Look For The Good in Divorce

March 11, 2022
Divorce Done Differently in PA
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Look For The…(Wait) .. Good.. (What?!).. in Divorce

What are we looking for? What do we see around us? Sometimes there are views and hues which filter out so much of the good that’s out there, distorts so many situations, or just needlessly separates us from one another as we are just get carried along with torrent of everyday life.

One thing that I’ve learned over the years is that sometimes we need to be more mindful and deliberate about what we what we’re looking for so we can see things differently. So many things influence what and how we see things (and that makes total sense). In separation and divorce, the world often seems filled with an overwhelming pall of darkness, anger, resentment and despair. This is totally normal and completely understandable.

So often I have seen couples become so entranced by revenge that they get lost in ever chasing that white whale, Moby Dick, like the fabled captain Ahab who says as he is pulled down into the sea by the object of his obsession:

“…to the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart, I stab at thee; for hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee…”

I’ve seen all too many of these sad divorce tales and know all too well the traumatic endings.
I feel exhausted and tense just thinking about that type of separation/divorce.

Yet I find that there is so much more to a situation in any given moment if we just look at it from a different angle. It is difficult and an arduous journey but it can yield the possibility of sailing off peacefully into that proverbial sunset.

Being from the Philadelphia area, I’ve become familiar with some of the ideas of “The Society Of Friends” (better known as William Penn’s Quakers). One thing which has impressed me about this group’s belief system is that their entire faith is built on this one simple premise- Seeing what is called a “Divine Presence” or “That Of God” within others- to see the light of God in everyone they meet.

Applying this simple tenet to my everyday life, I’ve found that everything changes. I see and experience things I never knew existed. I’m not talking about some religious epiphany. But if you are able to look for and then see some semblance of that Divine Presence or “good” in everyone and everything in your everyday life, you can in a very practical way see life through a lens that makes everything seem infinitely more beautiful and amazing. And in turn this new found vision can nurture you and your own sense of well-being and have a ripple effect on those around you and in some small way a positive effect on the world.

The musician Jason Mraz wrote a song which seems to personify this with the simple refrain, “look for the good in everyone.” Easier said than done, I know. It’s even more challenging when you are looking at your ex. However, if you “look for the good” in your ex, that doesn’t mean you have to erase all that has gone before. Not at all. It doesn’t mean ignoring inflicted hurts and pain you have received. It certainly doesn’t mean ignoring the wounds and tribulations you have been dealt (and are still dealing with).

Divorce is a deep, profound trauma in both of your lives. Looking for the good can help you develop a sense of empathy for that other person who may also be experiencing similar pain to you. It can also be a technique you can use as a way to journey towards healing yourself and finding peace. To create a mindset which can light the way for you to help you to better and more easily transition from the hurts of your past relationship to all the healing that awaits ahead of you. If you can look for the good in your ex, you may not see much…but just enough good to free yourself, for yourself.

Looking for the good in others is also a good starting point for the mediation process. The mediation process can help both you and your ex more easily and less expensively work things out. As the mediator I can assist you both in this process. My role as mediator is to serve as a supporting catalyst to help you reach your goal to find the “good” resolution that can serve the best interests of you and your family as you move forward in separating your household.

Please take a moment to contemplate this different perspective of “looking for the good in everyone” as Jason Mraz’s song and lyrics below would suggest and as you consider a way to divorce differently.

Look for the Good

Please take a moment to contemplate this different perspective of “looking for the good in everyone” as Jason Mraz’s song and lyrics below would suggest and as you consider a way to divorce differently.

Artist: Jason Mraz
Album: Look For The Good (Release Date – 19 June 2020)
Song: Look For The Good

Lyrics
[chorus]
Look for the good in everything
Look for the people who will set your soul free
It always seems impossible until it’s done
Look for the good in every one

People done gone crazy, people done gone mad
People done forgot the superpowers we all have
We were born to love, not hate
We can decide our fate

And look for the good in everyone
And celebrate our love most days
If there’s a silver lining (silver lining)
You still have to find it, find it, find it

[Chorus]

Everyone needs sunshine, everyone needs rain
Everyone is carrying around some kind of pain
I see who you are, you’re just like me
I see you’re searching for a purpose, guided by a dream

I see who you are, I’m just like you
I get lost sometimes and I forget what I came here to do
I keep on trying (keep on trying)
When it gets frightening

[Chorus]

[Break]

Everyone is nature, everyone is God
Everyone is love and light and vibration
Look for the good, look for the good
Everyone gets mad sometimes and maybe they should

Look for the good, Look for the good
Yeah, look out for all the heroes in your neighborhood
Look for the good, Look for the good
Life sure would be sweeter if everybody would

[Chorus]

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in a consultation to discuss the options available to resolve your divorce, custody issues, support, or equitable distribution issues, please contact me and I can help you investigate your options. Call me, Lenore M.J. Myers, at 215-470-3121 or email me at lmjmyers@cs.com.

Location

1150 First Avenue Suite 501
King of Prussia, PA 19406
Office: (610) 275-1400
Cell: (215) 470-3121

10.0Lenore J. Myers
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