Transcript:
0:10
[PAMELA] Well we have a questions from someone
0:12
who’s in the audience here
0:15
Not sure I want to get divorced.
0:18
Is there any benefit to mediation
0:20
or should I just try and push for therapy
0:25
[LENORE] Well I think in terms of that,
0:28
there is actually something called discernment counseling
0:30
and it was developed by
0:33
someone that did work with a lot of people going through divorce
0:36
and it’s a protocol that they go through
0:39
to really help someone
0:42
look thoroughly into what it’s going to look like to be divorced
0:47
or get divorced
0:49
and to sort of go through
0:51
the steps emotionally
0:54
of what that’s going to feel like and
0:55
make the decision that….
0:56
“yeah this is this is right for me.”
1:00
not “Oh I’m just not happy with…..”
1:03
I don’t know
1:03
you know “where I am in my life or how we interact….”
1:07
“…or what we’re going to go through”
1:10
[PAMELA] Yeah I like that, discernment counseling
1:12
That is, definitely, another under utilized resource!
1:16
[LENORE] Definitely!
1:17
Definitely and if someone goes through the sermon counseling…
1:22
they’ll learn a lot about themselves and how they tick
1:24
and then they’ll understand….
1:29
what it is about what went wrong
1:31
in the relationship, that why it triggers them
1:35
and they will have processed some of that,
1:37
I think.
1:39
So, I would definitely say
1:42
say counseling and / or individual counseling
1:45
and / or discernment counseling
1:46
and then, if you come to the conclusion
1:49
” Yeah I just don’t think that this relationship is going to work.”
1:53
then…..
1:55
The Next Step, I would always say,
1:57
is investigate mediation,
1:58
as long as it’s not an abusive or nasty situation.
2:02
[PAMELA] Yeah, so one more question about this and then we’ll go to our last question.
2:06
Can a couple come and mediate for,
2:10
but not go through the entire process.
2:14
Meaning that they’re not….
2:16
They sort of want to mediate and then hold off on the actual divorce
2:19
until sometime in the distant future,
2:21
but they want to see what mediation might provide
2:25
for them, as they’re considering
2:27
a divorce down the road.
2:29
Can they do that with you or must they…..
2:32
” Yeah we want a divorce so let’s go mediate.” ?
2:34
[LENORE] I do have a lot of people that come to me
2:38
for different reasons and say…..
2:42
“We might not want to process the divorce just yet….”
2:46
” but, you know, we really do want to…. “
2:50
” go our separate ways and we want to… “
2:55
” Just divide our assets”
2:57
” so that we know where each of us stands “
3:00
” and even if we never get divorced, “
3:02
” we have our separate lives “
3:05
” and things aren’t so co-mingled. “
3:09
You also can do that in terms of
3:12
a pre or post-nuptial agreement can be mediated.
3:16
In other words, people can come in and say….
3:19
” We’re not saying we want to get divorced, “
3:21
” We hope we never get divorced, “
3:23
” but in the event that we get divorced, “
3:25
” these are kind of the ground rules, these are the parameters “
3:28
” that we want to use to divide our property, “
3:32
” or to set property aside. “
3:35
So…..
3:36
Mediation is always a process
3:39
for people to get a little clear and feel more comfortable
3:42
about their assets and how things might be divided
3:46
in the event of a divorce.
3:47
[PAMELA] That sounds like,
3:49
if I can use my own term here,
3:51
divorce mediation coaching.
3:54
[LENORE] Yes and I respects it is.
3:56
part of that is…..
3:58
you know especially if….
4:00
couples know that things aren’t good and
4:05
they know they’re going to want to move forward,
4:07
either they can go through the coaching program together
4:09
or separately and
4:13
the program not only helps them develop a mindset
4:17
that’s going to make mediation
4:20
successful, but also a mindset that,
4:23
even if they went through litigation,
4:25
that they wouldn’t go down that rabbit hole of just
4:29
getting revenge
4:31
and also, the program
4:33
is something that
4:35
shares a lot of knowledge,
4:37
a lot of tips,
4:39
a lot of planning techniques,
4:42
a lot of resources that people can utilize
4:47
through the divorce process,
4:49
whatever Avenue they go through.
4:51
But it will set them up to have it not be
4:55
where it’s a reactive process
4:58
but one that is more…..
5:02
planning and projective.
5:04
[PAMELA] yeah it reminds me of what someone once said to me,
5:09
if you planned for your wedding,
5:12
with all of its itty bitty details,
5:14
nitty-gritty details,
5:15
you should also plan for a divorce.
5:18
I mean of those who are, you know.
5:20
that’s a possibility
5:22
and what you’re describing sounds like
5:24
pre-planning like get ahead of the game.
