Incompatibility – Divorce Done Differently

Key Takeaways:

• When approaching a spouse about divorce, Lenore Myers suggests being honest yet compassionate. Explaining that the relationship is no longer healthy for either party—rather than immediately serving them with legal papers—can prevent unnecessary conflict.
• Lenore Myers emphasizes that if both partners are open to compromise and want to avoid “nastiness,” divorce mediation is often a better path than traditional adversarial litigation. This approach helps couples work together to separate their lives and reach decisions they both feel good about, avoiding the “walking wounded” experience.
• Lenore Myers notes that if a couple has already attempted marriage counseling, a request for divorce is less likely to come as a shock to the other spouse, who may have also been contemplating the end of the marriage.

Video Title: Incompatibility – Dear Attorney Lenore

Video topic/focus: This video features Attorney Lenore Myers addressing a viewer’s inquiry about how to navigate a divorce after 21 years of marriage. The viewer feels they have grown apart from their spouse, noting incompatible values and life goals.

Video Description:

Have you ever had tons of practical questions (for yourself or someone you love) about the confusing landscape of divorce but thought they were too dumb to ask?

Did you ever want to just sit down and talk to a divorce professional who could breakdown the law in its simplest terms and make it clear so that you could decide what’s best for you and your family?

Listen in as Attorney Lenore reads real questions from couples on the topic of mediation vs litigation. Learn for yourself as she answers questions with compassion (unlike many attorneys), competence, and skill.

You may email your divorce questions as “Dear Attorney Lenore”, and we will address them in an upcoming LIVE show (divorcedonedifferentlypa@gmail.com).

Heartwarming Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Super friendly – Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Video thumbnail

Transcript: 

0:10
[Pamela] Dear Attorney Lenore, I just don’t love him anymore! After 21 years of marriage he doesn’t light my fire. He blows it out. We have grown apart, our values are different now, our goals in life are on the opposite end of the spectrum.

0:26
[Pamela] We’ve tried marriage counseling multiple times. There’s no other lover or anything like that. I just want out, plain and simple. I know that this will devastate him, but I just can’t live a dull life any longer, and I’m not getting any younger either. I don’t know if I should get my own lawyer or consider divorce mediation. Sincerely, Ready for an exciting life.

0:49
[Lenore] I mean this happens to a lot of couples and… it might be a relief to her spouse, or his spouse, for them to take the first step and they’re probably thinking the same thing.

1:04
[Lenore] You know and I would think… I think any time you’re coming to your spouse and you’re saying, you know, “I’m just not happy anymore.” “You’re a good person, I’m a good person, but this is just not good for either one of us.” “I want to do this in a way where neither one of us is trying to hurt the other one.” “I really want to look into mediation so that we, you know, both can work together to figure out… what the solution is best for us as we separate our lives.”

1:38
[Lenore] I think that news is going to fall a lot easier on the other person than to say “I’m not happy anymore, here’s the divorce papers.” “I guess you got to get a lawyer.” That sets it up for nastiness!

1:52
[Pamela] yeah

1:54
[Lenore] So, you know, I think if… if that person really believes it’s over and they’re really unhappy, it shouldn’t and especially if they’ve been through lots of counseling. It’s not going to come as a surprise to the other spouse that it’s just not working and I think they probably will be relieved and they probably would be relieved to know that this person doesn’t want to hurt them. That they want to do this in a way that is going to leave both of you walking out of it feeling good about the decisions that you make and not be part of the walking wounded.

2:34
[Lenore] So it sounds like they would be good candidates, as long as the other spouse was open to it and was willing to compromise, they would be good candidates for mediation.

2:47
[Pamela] Okay.