How to Find Peace in the Divorce Process

I remember a few years ago I went to a seminar where there was a speaker, Henry Yampolsky, Esq., who is the cofounder of the Living Peace Institute. His lecture was about how to bring peace into a situation. During the lecture he said three words that changed how I approach many conflicted situations. The words are “Would you consider…?” These three simple words are more powerful than you can imagine. They immediately shift conversations away from… “I have something that you want and you can’t have it”…. “I am right and you are wrong”….. “I have power and you don’t.”

These words are like a cool glass of water in a desert. I know this to be true because I experimented with it the next week. I was involved in a very nasty, contentious estate matter with a very aggressive attorney on the other side. Our correspondences up until this part had been very accusatory and defensive over a period of almost two years. This time I started out with saying that I know both of your clients have been in a lot of pain and I would like to see them no longer suffer, “so would you consider …..?” and I laid out my resolution. I was blown away when this attorney who had always responded to me in a very argumentative way during the whole time we had been trying to resolve the case, responded in a very conciliatory way that he agreed the parties had been through enough and agreed to accept my proposal to settle the case. He did a 180 degree turnabout after I had just approached him with these three little words… “would you consider?”

Now imagine this in the context of family where the couple is separating or divorcing.
–Where parties are often drawing hard lines in the sand or offering up ultimatums.
–Where each person feels like they are unempowered.
–Where each party feels like the other is trying to take something from them rather than offering to share the decisions.

Imagine using a simple phrase that says … “I respect you…. You have a say in this decision… I want to share.” Can you imagine what a healing balm this could be to the wounds that each person feels have been inflicted upon them and from which they are suffering?

If each person can look at the situation as if there is a pitcher of water that they have filled from which each offers the other to have their glasses filled, can you imagine how this could shift the discussions between them as they transition apart?

So would you consider … reaching out a hand in peace?