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Emotional Effect on Children in Divorce: Litigation v Mediation

When a parent is going through a divorce, one of the main things parents may focus on is to make sure that the decisions made during the divorce will be most beneficial for the children of the couple. While each situation varies from person to person, this focus may be especially important for the child of the couple, who may be in a vulnerable stage of emotional development during this difficult time.

Despite the best intentions, the outcome may vary depending on what divorce process the couple chooses. Depending on what process is taken, the results could lead to a messy divorce where no one is happy.

The Emotions Children Feel In A Divorce

Emotions associated with grief and loss are common for individuals experiencing divorce. Such emotions could include worry, wonder, unhappiness, and anger and can occur during different stages of the divorce. The most common and complicated emotion during a divorce is anger in children and adults, which is a common reaction to grief and loss. Consequently, if parents are not processing their emotions, such as sadness, grief, or anger, it will negatively affect the children by causing more conflict and tension in the transition. Children can become confused and upset about the divorce. And it is estimated that approximately one million children are affected by divorce every year.

Children of divorce may suffer behaviorally, psychologically, and emotionally. Divorce can present as a crisis in a child’s life. It can be a time of unfamiliar transition, and the child could have a hard time adjusting to the transition, and the distress associated with divorce could cause a shift in mood and trigger anxiety in children as well. As a result, divorce poses a challenging transition for the children to adjust to.

Research has also revealed that children with divorced parents are more likely to see a mental health professional, have problems with depressed moods, and have problems managing their behavior. Increased stress and tension are also risk factors for children who have experienced the divorce of their parents.

The Direction to Choose During a Divorce

Generally, the parties have two directions to choose from while navigating a divorce. They can choose a self-directed process like mediation or collaborative law where the parties decide how to share their assets, debts, and parenting time with the support and assistance of a mediator or collaborative lawyers. Others may choose the court system where they hand their families’ future over to the judges to decide what is the right call for the families’ finances and parenting plans in accordance with the law.

A traditional litigated divorce court environment pits one party against the other; the natural fight-or-flight instincts that may be triggered could result in the mental deterioration of all parties involved, with the child potentially getting caught in the emotional crossfire. As a result, a child enduring a traditional litigated divorce may end up scared and scarred for the rest of their lives and could pass this trauma onto future generations.

Compared to mediation, which focuses on cooperation, the effects a child may experience during a divorce may be mitigated as some of the potential tension and negative emotionality of the experience of divorce can be avoided through the divorce mediation process. Giving parents the chance to have more input and control over the outcome of their divorce can go a long way in reducing the stress of divorce for them. A less stressful divorce gives parents the time and energy to focus on helping their child process these big life changes. Thus, the smoother the divorce process, the better for the emotional stability of the child.

When a party’s focus is on what is best for the children, it may be helpful to compare how children faired after experiencing divorce through each of these types of divorce processes.

It may be helpful for parents in deciding which type of divorce process they choose to compare how children faired after the experience of a traditional litigated divorce with how children who experienced divorce through the mediation process.

By understanding the differences between the divorce process through mediation or collaborative divorce as compared to the divorce process through the courts with attorneys and judges, a person can better understand why each process may affect children differently.

Going Through Traditional Divorce

People are generally familiar with how a traditional court environment works. An unbiased judge makes a decision to resolve the parties’ issues after reviewing the written and spoken testimonies of the facts presented by both sides in conjunction with the laws that apply to those issues.

The way divorce is handled in a traditional court environment is built more from a system that focuses on the resolution of a conflict based on a standard set of rules into which the unique facts of an individual’s divorce are forced to fit. In a traditional divorce environment, the results are decided based on the law and how the Judge decides to apply the law to the facts each side presents.

Each side is pitted against the other to present the most compelling argument to the Judge that their set of facts means that the Judge should decide in their favor under the law. In a traditional court environment, the outcome is focused on reaching a decision where only one side is found to be right, and almost everything for the opposing side is deemed incorrect.

For the parties, this feels like a one-sided resolution. In addition, the other downside of this process is that the focus is simply on the laws and the facts, and the emotional aspects that are always part of any divorce are not part of the decision-making process for the court.

Results After Traditional Divorce

Due to the heated nature of the litigation process, each party can feel like they are being backed into a corner. Often, parties start to argue more based on worse-case scenarios and say things they may regret in the future. This leads to the trust between parents being further eroded. In these scenarios, children absorb all the tension between their parents. As a result, the child may feel conflicted and unsure who to trust.

The biggest emotional impact a child may feel after enduring a traditional divorce is the loss of trust and the questioning of what love is. Prior to their parents separating household, a child may have lived through their parents fighting often. Having experienced such a hostile environment during the developmental years of childhood, a child may be left wondering if love is nothing more than constant conflicts and unsure if they can ever really trust anyone in a relationship, including their future partner. In addition, the child’s once-familiar universe is imploded. A child of divorce is faced with coping with an unfathomable amount of stress, such as living in a new home and adjusting to new people being introduced into their inner family circle. These new challenges that the child faces and how they are navigated will affect them not only in the present but also in the long term. If the divorce ends up being particularly contentious, the parents may still have some hostilities remaining that the child may continue to experience during future interactions with both parents.

Often, the hostilities that arise between divorcing parents can come from miscommunications between the parent’s respective lawyers or the parents themselves. These miscommunications can often arise from the emotionality of a litigated divorce. This kind of miscommunication would lead both parents to become increasingly distrustful and defensive when dealing with their former partner.

These hostile interactions are extremely detrimental to a child’s emotional well-being. Not only are they emotionally stressful to the child, but the parents may be so immersed in their defensive posture with one another they may overlook the child’s emotional distress being suffered as a result of the divorce. Therefore, a child may be forced to suffer in silence during a traditional litigated divorce.

Children exposed to high conflict are more likely to be affected negatively and could also have weakened relationships with one or both parents. Divorce can also cause children to have to grow up too quickly, which could impact their adjustment and resiliency.

If a child develops emotional wounds from this trauma, that can last a lifetime and may even be potentially passed on to their future children. According to an article by the Washington Post, intergenerational trauma can pass between multiple generations through personal experiences and even genes. Combined with the normal childhood and teenage challenges a child might face, a child going through a traditional litigated divorce may suffer more deeply or become overwhelmed emotionally as a result of all the extreme changes happening to them.

Going Through Mediation

However, the extreme changes a child endures during a divorce can be mitigated if both parties take a more active part in deciding the future of their family during a divorce through the process of divorce mediation.

Despite concerns over the psychological well-being of children of divorce, researchers found that after being involved in divorce mediation, parents had decreased levels of distress and anxiety, which may overall be beneficial for children, as they may benefit from their parent’s decreased anxiety.

Given our country’s high divorce rate and its negative impact on children, families must become involved with mediation. This process facilitates a positive involvement of both parents in their children’s lives following divorce. As well as being positively involved, families and children are in need of interventions to manage conflicts and emotions. Research has shown that divorce mediation helps resolve emotional and agreement issues in family conflict, which could have a positive impact on children’s adjustment to the divorce.

One of the key aspects of divorce mediation is the focus on collaboration between both parties. By prioritizing cooperation, mediation promotes a satisfactory result for all parties involved. The cooperative process of divorce mediation reduces the stress for both parties as they are navigating their divorce. In addition, with cooperation being the focus of divorce mediation, the results can be more beneficial for the child’s future in the long term.

One of the most beneficial aspects for the child where the parents cooperate while navigating their divorce is that the parents’ can also work together to focus on meeting the child’s needs. This can result in reassuring the child and dissipating the child’s fears about all the big changes they are facing due to the divorce.

This cooperative approach also creates a calm atmosphere that allows the parents to talk about the divorce between themselves and the child. This also encourages the child to feel more comfortable talking about how they are feeling about the divorce and how it is affecting them. This open dialog can make the child feel more valued in the divorce discussion. While reassuring the child could also happen in the traditional litigated divorce environment, mediation is more likely to promote calmer interactions between the parents, which can greatly reduce the amount of tension felt by the parents and the child as the family transitions into separate households.

Results After Mediation

There are many benefits that stem from the divorce mediation process as compared with the litigated traditional divorce process.

Due to the more cooperative, relaxed environment created as part of the mediation process, parents may feel more relaxed talking to each other and may gain more understanding about the other parent’s perspective about what they need or think the child needs as they transition households. This can allow the child to adjust more successfully to the post-divorce environment.

In addition, these cooperative interactions between the parents ease tensions and allow the child to maintain healthier relationships with both parents and feel comfortable talking to each parent about their needs or wants. Maintaining healthy relationships with both parents helps a child build confidence for future long-term relationships. Also, by seeing both parents willingly cooperate after a divorce, the child may have a better understanding of how to handle relationship conflicts.

These benefits that are offered to a child who experiences divorce through mediation as opposed to litigation give the child a better chance at succeeding in future relationships while also preparing them for the trials and tribulations they may face.

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in a consultation to discuss the options available to resolve your divorce, custody issues, support, or equitable distribution issues, please contact me and I can help you investigate your options. Call me, Lenore M.J. Myers, at 215-470-3121 or email me at lmjmyers@cs.com.

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The Power of Positive Communication in Divorce Mediation: How to Keep the Dialogue Open and Productive

One of the key aspects that people learn when growing up is the importance of communication, and that continues to be even more important as everyone gets older. Communication is the most essential tool to help people understand the perspectives and motivations of one another. Therefore, communication in divorce mediation is vital.

Controlling Your Emotions

In any step of divorce, dealing with one’s emotions is one of the most common issues that may arise. In the realm of communication, having the ability to control one’s emotions during a stressful situation can be a helpful skill for a person to have amid divorce. In a divorce setting, the amount of stress for both spouses and the intensity of their feelings for their soon-to-be ex are higher than usual for both individuals.

Meetings between separating parties to discuss a path forward can trigger some intense emotions. The spouses can mentally prepare for any upcoming event or proceeding by planning certain meetups and legal reviews.

Planning a meeting with a former spouse will help both parties mentally prepare for being in the same physical space with that other person and for the subjects that will be discussed. Being mentally prepared for meeting a former spouse will help the parties approach the meeting with a clear mind. Thus, combined with conversations using precise and direct language, as discussed below, the discussions between the parties regarding the divorce proceedings can be more productive with this type of mental preparation.

It can also help to prepare for meetings that are about to occur in more socially relaxed situations, such as family gatherings. Processing emotions before meetings with former spouses and perhaps their relatives is especially important if the couple has any children that will be present during these gatherings.

Being Honest and Direct

While communication in divorce mediation or another divorce setting may be difficult at first glance, knowing what needs to be said will help expedite the process. Like all conversions, some people may have difficulty describing their needs. Being clear and direct communications about what each party wants in a divorce will help understand everyone’s intentions without confusion. It will also help show that the speaker has a well-thought-out plan of action. With the interests being clearly described, any potential misunderstandings can be avoided. This will help make proceedings smoother in a divorce case.

Another technique that helps promote a productive conversation is when one party listens to the other party speaking without interruption. By giving the former spouse undivided attention, the speaking spouse will feel that their concerns are being validated and heard. The feeling of validation will be further bolstered if the listener describes what the listener heard back to the speaker in as direct a manner as possible.

Lastly, being genuine, honest, and direct about one’s thoughts will help clarify your intentions when communicating with an estranged spouse and help reduce misunderstandings between both parties during the divorce. Thus, being truthful in a divorce can help create a sense of trust so that both parties may be more willing to cooperate to reach settlements.

Planning Out Your Message

When people communicate with each other today, the most common method is through text messaging services, emails, or social media platforms. While this may have the benefit of quick, direct access for friends and family, many people will post personal thoughts or responses without a second thought or review. Unfortunately, with these forms of communication in divorce mediation, the true tone and meaning of the message can get lost in translation.

This can potentially lead to misunderstandings by the receiver as to what is actually being said or what was intended by the sender. Any misinterpretation can lead the receiving spouse to question the sending spouse’s motivation or intentions, thereby putting them on the defensive. This, in turn, can lead to distrust and arguments, which can really derail a divorce proceeding by taking it from being peaceful to being a battle.

If one needs to communicate with a former spouse via text or email, the best course would be to be precise about the words being typed and to weigh them carefully to clearly and unemotionally convey your message before being sent. A well-planned and thought-out written message can help ensure that no unnecessary emotions are inflamed by any misunderstandings that may be created by a hastily drafted text or email.

Children

Like the parents, the child is also navigating the emotional landmines that have been set up between the parties and is trying to avoid them at all costs. Being honest and treating the child like a person with their own thoughts and feelings will help create a sense of ease in the child’s mind.

It is essential to help a child maintain a healthy relationship with both parents by making them feel safe and secure in the presence of their parents individually and together. To avoid making the child a part of the collateral damage during divorce proceedings, parents should avoid potentially hostile emotional exchanges between them in the presence of the child.

When it comes to talking about or talking to a child during a divorce, it is essential to recognize how the parent or the child might feel about the words being used. Parents need to be careful not to make it feel like the child is being used as a bargaining chip in the divorce negotiations. A hastily stated comment can trigger intense emotions in a parent or a child. Using direct, thoughtful language and taking note of the child’s potential feelings will help keep the divorce proceeding focused and moving at a steady pace.

While children who are minors are a common focal point in a divorce, this concept can still apply to adult children. Even though adult children can understand some of the more mature concepts of divorce, they still face some of the same emotional challenges that an underage child would, such as torn loyalties or fracturing of their emotional foundation. As such, some of the same communication tactics mentioned above also apply here. No matter the age difference, awareness and consideration of the child’s feelings are essential if the goal of the proceedings is to benefit all the people involved in a divorce.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the issues that arise with communication in divorce mediation vary on a case-by-case basis. Clients can be so overwhelmed that they may have trouble planning what they need to say or may be unable to describe to their attorney or spouse the exact details of what they feel they need to live separately and apart from their soon-to-be ex-spouse. Often, the client’s emotions make such communication even more difficult. In addition, other factors like children can complicate aspects of these communications even more.

In the world of divorce, no matter what the issues are, knowing how to communicate best will help people better prepare for the necessary interactions that take place during divorce, which in turn can help the process move forward at a more productive and steadier pace.

So, just like when you were still a child, the key to navigating any relationship is healthy communication, and it is even more essential when dealing with a former spouse/partner during and after divorce proceedings.

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in a consultation to discuss the options available to resolve your divorce, custody issues, support, or equitable distribution issues, please contact me and I can help you investigate your options. Call me, Lenore M.J. Myers, at 215-470-3121 or email me at lmjmyers@cs.com.

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10 Things To Consider When Picking a Divorce Mediator

Facing the end of your marriage can be a very stressful life transition, especially if children are involved. Deciding how to move forward with the process can add stress and confusion. Do you choose to hire an attorney and divorce through the courts or find a divorce mediator? Below are some important things to consider when picking a divorce mediator.

Picking a Divorce Mediator

Divorce mediation is a more cost effective and peaceful way than hiring an attorney for couples to transition from one household to two as their marriage ends. Through divorce mediation, couples can avoid costly, painful, lengthy court battles. The couple negotiates the settlement of all the issues involved in their divorce with the assistance of a divorce mediator. Their mediator will help facilitate settlement discussions without the traditional costly legal expenses of the divorce and custody courts.
In order for the divorce mediation process to be successful, picking a divorce mediator that is right for both of you is important. Most divorce mediators offer a consultation for all those involved to determine if the process and the mediator are the right fit for the couple.

Here are ten points you should consider in deciding if divorce mediation is the right fit for both of you and if your divorce mediator is capable of helping you both through your divorce.

1. How much does divorce mediation cost?

Divorce mediation is more cost effective because the couple will not be paying two lawyers to communicate for them but will be speaking directly to one another with the assistance of one mediator. You should ask your mediator how they charge for consultations and their services up front.

Most divorce mediators have different fee structures that allow the couple to plan for and understand exactly what the cost of their mediation will be.
Fees for divorce mediation vary depending on the complexity of the marital estate and issues at hand to be settled. After the initial consultation, the divorce mediator will quote a fee for a service that will meet the couples’ needs. If the couple wants to proceed with mediation, an agreement will be signed between the parties and the divorce mediator outlining the fee structure and the services the fee covers. The fee agreement should also cover what happens with the payment and refund of fees in the event that the mediation stops midstream either because the process stalls, one person digs in their heels or leaves the process, or the parties decide to take a break. These questions may also be raised at the initial consultation.

2. How does divorce mediation work?

This should definitely be outlined by your divorce mediator during the consultation. You should ask your divorce mediator how their mediation process works.

Generally, once the couple has retained their divorce mediator, the mediator will give the parties a list of documents and information that must be gathered. Once the information is gathered, the divorce mediator will schedule the mediation sessions to discuss the issues to be resolved.

Once agreements on all the issues have been reached, the terms and conditions of the settlement are reduced to either a memorandum of understanding which is not legally binding or a marital settlement agreement which is legally binding. The difference in these two agreements is whether or not your mediator is a licensed attorney who can prepare a legally binding settlement agreement.

The last step will be for the parties to file the final divorce paperwork with the court. Many mediators offer to assist clients with this process through their staff but the mediator will not represent them in the courts during this process.

3. How long does divorce mediation take?

A divorce mediator should be able to give you a time range for the completion of a mediation. However, generally it depends on the couples’ timeline. Generally the divorce mediation process itself takes between three to six months.

The finalization of the divorce depends on the laws of the state.

4. What are some of the benefits of divorce mediation over going through the courts?

Your divorce mediator should be able to give a long list of reasons why divorce mediation will benefit you both in the long run.

Generally, the process is much more predictable. You will have an idea when the divorce mediation process will start and end. You will have control over the possible outcomes of the mediation process.

There is no such predictability in the courts. Couples do not have control over how the courts will rule in their case even if their lawyer can give them a best case scenario.

5. Is divorce mediation legally binding?

Divorce mediators who are serving a party strictly as a mediator and who are not licensed to practice law can only draft memorandums of understanding memorializing the terms and conditions agreed upon by the couple in divorce mediations. A memorandum of understanding is not a legally binding document per se. In order to create a legally binding marital settlement agreement incorporating all the terms and conditions agreed upon as outlined in a memorandum of understanding, the couple must take the memorandum to a licensed attorney to draft a legally binding marital settlement agreement or if their mediator is a licensed attorney, the divorce mediator can serve as a drafter of the legally binding marital settlement agreement as well.

You will need to ask you mediator if they will be able to prepare your marital settlement agreement or only a memorandum of understanding.

6. Is divorce mediation the right answer for both of you?

The divorce mediator should be able to give you an idea if mediation will work for both of you after the initial consultation.

Divorce mediation is for those couples who are committed to reaching mutually agreeable and beneficial agreements within the divorce settlement negotiations. Mediation is not for those couples seeking revenge or punishment of the other party.

Divorce mediation will not be successful unless the parties are willing to compromise. Having a “my way or the highway” attitude will doom the success of any divorce mediation from the start.

7. Will divorce mediation change my relationship with my ex?

Any good divorce mediator will tell you that their goal is to improve communications between the couple for the long run. This is accomplished by the divorce mediator facilitating and modeling productive, neutralizing communications for the divorcing couple.

However, if one spouse (or both ) is violent, has severe mental health issues or severe substance abuse issues, a mediator may advise couples to seek other avenues for resolving their divorce.

8. Is divorce mediation public?

Divorce mediation sessions are private and confidential. The parties meet with the divorce mediator in the mediator’s office. The couple never has to go to the public courts to settle their divorce other than to file their final divorce paperwork which is generally sealed by the courts as well.

9. Do I still need a lawyer to represent me in mediation?

Ending a marriage is a legal process. Most divorce mediators will not encourage lawyers to attend mediation sessions. In fact some mediators prohibit their clients from having legal representation during the mediation process. However all divorce mediators recommend that their clients consult with a divorce attorney to ensure that their clients are well informed of their legal rights. In addition, clients will need a divorce attorney to either prepare or review their final marital settlement agreement.

10. Ask your divorce mediator why divorce mediation with them as your mediator will benefit you as a couple.

As you are in the process of picking a divorce mediator, you should ask during the consultation why they think mediation is the right fit for you and your spouse.
You should also ask your divorce mediator about their professional experience and their success rate with mediation cases reaching final settlement. Raise any issues or concerns you have about the possibility of success or failure in your mediation with your divorce mediator.

In the end, you are picking a divorce mediator who is right for you if you both feel a connection with the divorce mediator personally and feel confident in their ability. If you are both committed to settling your divorce in an amicable way that benefits both of you, then dive in; mediation waters can be very healing.

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in a consultation to discuss the options available to resolve your divorce, custody issues, support, or equitable distribution issues, please contact me and I can help you investigate your options. Call me, Lenore M.J. Myers, at 215-470-3121 or email me at lmjmyers@cs.com.

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Common Questions About Divorce Mediation

Can Divorce Mediation Work For Me and Why?

If your marriage is coming to an end, this can be a very stressful life transition, especially if there are children involved. Many couples think that their only option is to “lawyer up” during a divorce. What most couples don’t realize as they start down this road is that this can be a very expensive proposition. Once a lawyer is hired to represent someone in a custody or divorce suit, they will be paying for every single phone call, email or paper their attorney and/or their support staff touches in their case. So if your lawyer charges the going rate of $300 per hour or $75 to $150 per hour for their staff, you will be billed for every tenth of an hour each of these professionals spend on your one email sent. That means one email could cost you $100 or more. Those kind of expenses may not be in everyone’s budget.

But there is a better way- Divorce Mediation. Mediation is a much more cost effective and peaceful way for couples to transition from one household to two as their marriage ends. Through divorce mediation, couples can avoid costly, painful, lengthy court battles. The couples, not the courts, will negotiate the settlement of all the issues involved in their divorce including property matters, support payments and custody sharing. This is accomplished through the assistance of a divorce mediator who will help facilitate settlement discussions between the couple without the traditional costly legal expenses of the divorce and custody courts.

Most divorce mediators have different fee structures that allow the couple to plan for and understand exactly what the cost of their divorce mediation will be. In addition, divorce mediation is more cost effective because the couple will not be paying two lawyers to communicate for them but will be speaking directly to one another with the assistance of one divorce mediator.

Common Questions About Divorce Mediation

Below are some answers to common questions about divorce mediation that I hear. These may help you determine if mediation is right for you.

What if my spouse and I don’t talk?

Divorce mediators are skilled at facilitating peaceful conversations between divorcing couples. So long as the couple is committed to resolving their differences in a more amicable way instead of through the adversarial process of the courts, divorce mediation can work for most couples. This is because divorce mediation actually helps instill in couples a better way to communicate about important issues. This can be very helpful for the couple going forward as they may face future difficult conversations such as those surrounding their children even after the divorce mediation ends. In addition, a divorce mediator will often encourage each person to have their own emotional support such as a therapist who can also help the couples learn better communication skills individually.

What if I am afraid of my spouse?

A divorce mediator works to establish a safe space for both parties to discuss important issues in their divorce. A skilled divorce mediator serves as neutral facilitator who will intervene during difficult discussions in order to balance any power struggles between the couples surrounding the issue being discussed. However, if there has been any domestic violence between the parties, divorce mediation may not be the best route to settle divorce issues.

Can I consult with an attorney before I begin divorce mediation?

It can be helpful to consult with an attorney to understand what you may be entitled to under the law during a divorce. However, any attorney will tell you that there are no guarantees in court. In addition, couples can decide what works best for them and their family in their marital settlement agreement which does not have to follow any particular court guidelines.

Can I take an attorney to represent me at the divorce mediation?

Attorneys may be consulted outside of the divorce mediation sessions but the parties can’t participate in mediation sessions if they are represented by attorneys in certain states. If a person wants to try a peaceful settlement route but still wants to retain an attorney, they may consider hiring a collaboratively trained lawyer who could represent them in settlement discussions without litigation. However, collaborative law settlements are not as cost effective as divorce mediation settlements.

Is divorce mediation legally binding?

Divorce mediators who are serving a party strictly as a mediator and who are not licensed to practice law can only draft memorandums of understanding memorializing the terms and conditions agreed upon by the couple in divorce mediations. A memorandum of understanding is not a legally binding document per se. In order to create a legally binding marital settlement agreement incorporating all the terms and conditions agreed upon as outlined in a memorandum of understanding, the couple must take the memorandum to an attorney to draft a legally binding marital settlement agreement or if the mediator is a licensed attorney, the divorce mediator can serve as a drafter of the legally binding marital settlement agreement as well.

Why is divorce mediation better than going to court?

The courts are adversarial. They teach people how to fight. The decisions made in court are the result of what the lawyers and the judges say not what the parties want or decide. If the couple has children, the adversarial court system can cause even more bitterness between the couple which can make co-parenting even more difficult which in turn can be very harmful to the children involved.

In short, it may be worthwhile for any couple facing divorce to consider investigating mediation as an option. Contact me if you have further questions about divorce mediation.

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in a consultation to discuss the options available to resolve your divorce, custody issues, support, or equitable distribution issues, please contact me and I can help you investigate your options, including divorce mediation. Call me, Lenore M.J. Myers, at 215-470-3121 or email me at lmjmyers@cs.com.

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Lenore Myers Answers Questions About Divorce Mediation | Divorce Done Differently in PA

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Divorce Mediation Costs

Divorce mediation costs vary greatly. They can depend on whether you have a court ordered mediator or privately hired mediator. A divorce mediator who is privately hired can charge on an hourly or flat fee basis.

Court Ordered Mediation

In a court ordered mediation, fees are generally set by the court. The time allotted for the court ordered mediation is generally limited. A court ordered family law mediation session is often mandated by the court in a custody case.

Private Divorce Mediation Costs

Many private divorce mediation fees are set on a flat fee basis where one fee is set for a complete package of services and mediation sessions. The range of services that can be included in a flat fee divorce mediation service can cover a number of areas from property distribution, support matters and/or custody, to possible assistance in the preparation of a marital settlement agreement or memorandum of understanding and/or divorce court paperwork.

A flat fee mediation service package generally assists parties in gathering documentation on the areas to be mediated and includes several mediation sessions to discuss and reach an agreement on those issues.

Flat fee mediation can also include the preparation of either a memorandum of understanding or a marital settlement agreement. A memorandum of understanding is simply a non-binding document that outlines the terms and conditions of agreement reached by the parties. The mediator does not have to be an attorney to prepare this document. A marital settlement agreement includes all of the terms and conditions of agreement reached by the parties but it is a legally binding contract that must be prepared by a mediator who is an attorney.

In both situations the parties are encouraged to consult with a separate attorney to advise each party concerning the legal terms and condition of either a memorandum of understanding or marital settlement agreement. The fee for a separate attorney is not included in flat fee mediation packages.

In addition, flat fee divorce mediation can also include assistance in the preparation of divorce documents for the court in order to obtain a final decree of divorce. Filing fees for court, appraisal fees for real estate or retirement funds and the cost for preparation of other court document such as deeds of transfer or Qualified Domestic Relations orders (QDRO) are also generally not included in the costs charged for flat fee mediation packages.

A flat fee divorce mediation package can range in cost from $6,500 to $10,000 depending on the number of issues to be discussed and settled and the complexity of the marital estate to be settled.

Some divorce mediators will offer piecemeal or unbundled services such as one mediation session to discuss one issue like support or custody or as follow up to a previously conducted large scope flat fee mediation where a new issue has arisen. The general hourly rate for such divorce mediation services ranges from $250 to $400 per hour.

Divorce mediation is generally much less expensive than divorce litigation or even the cost of two people each hiring a divorce attorney to help settle their divorce.

A private divorce mediator will often offer consultations either free of charge or for a reasonable consultation fee to discuss your case to help you decide what type of divorce mediation services best suit your situation and the divorce mediation cost for that service.

Contact Divorce Done Differently for King of Prussia Divorce Mediation

Divorce mediation costs are typically lower than the cost of litigation and mediation has many advantages, including allowing parties more control over their divorce resolution. As an attorney mediator, I offer creative solutions to meet each client’s unique legal, financial, and emotional needs. To set up a consultation or learn more about available services, contact me today at 215-470-3121.

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in a consultation to discuss the options available to resolve your divorce, custody issues, support, or equitable distribution issues, please contact me and I can help you investigate your options. Call me, Lenore M.J. Myers, at 215-470-3121 or email me at lmjmyers@cs.com.

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