Author: Divorce Done Differently in PA

Confidentiality And Divorce

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on December 6, 2023. Posted in Blog.

No matter where someone works, confidentiality is one of the most common things that is talked about. When it comes to trade secrets or products in development, having confidentiality can be important to keeping specific information out of the public eye.

Why Would Someone Seek Confidentiality During a Divorce Case?

Many people do not know that the same concept can also apply to a divorce proceeding. Like most cases in the judicial system, any divorce case filed in the court will have a legal record available for public viewing. While having the legal records available to the public may not seem bad at first, these records for divorce cases may also contain very personal information of both parties.

A person may want to keep certain elements of their divorce confidential for several reasons. Some might not want certain aspects of their divorce available for their employer or employees to view. From the parties’ incomes presented to the courts to some very personal details of the marriage, it may be important for all aspects of the parties’ divorce to remain confidential to protect their livelihood and their reputation. For others, it may be important to keep divorce details confidential to protect their social status or public persona.

No matter the reason, having the option for confidentiality could be of great importance during a divorce. From financial income to unflattering events, the information in a divorce court filing that was meant to be private could cause future embarrassment to everyone named in these documents if revealed to the public. Thankfully, there are various ways to keep some aspects of a divorce hidden from the public.

Confidentiality Agreement

In short, a confidentiality agreement is a contract where only certain people or parties are allowed to view the contents of a document that has been deemed confidential. In the case of a divorce, information related to a private business, such as financial and client data, are some examples of information not meant for the public eye. If any such confidential information was released to the public, either by accident or on purpose, it could result in many other issues outside of the divorce case in the future.

During divorce litigation, to prevent the release of sensitive information that could have negative impacts on the parties themselves or within their business or social circle, any party may petition the judge in the case to seal the record of the case to protect confidential information that may be revealed as part of the divorce case from public view.

A confidentiality agreement is another common way to protect confidential information that may be revealed during a divorce case. When seeking a divorce, you should consider what confidential aspects of the divorce may need to be protected, such as a person’s career, business, or personal life.

Failure to ensure the parties’ confidentiality may result in fines or sanctions in addition to the cost of the divorce. Many of these elements may sound similar to an NDA for people familiar with the business world.

Non-Disclosure Agreements

The term NDA may sound familiar if a person has been in the business world long enough. Like a confidentiality agreement, a Non-Disclosure Agreement or NDA is an Agreement that prohibits parties to the agreement from leaking certain business or private information to the public. While an NDA is mostly used for trade secrets and product information, NDA could also become a tool utilized in a divorce proceeding.

Suppose the party’s business interest has an NDA. In that case, it may require the lawyers and parties to take extra precautions in handling business information being shared as part of the divorce action.

A couple may also create their own personal NDA to prevent any personal or private information from leaking out, which might cause harm to the lives of anyone close to the couple, including the couple’s children and close friends.

NDAs can also extend to financial and social media information, like with a confidentiality agreement.

The main difference between an NDA and a confidentiality agreement is that an NDA can be tailored to apply to either only part of a divorce or the entire divorce itself to prevent the potential harm that may result from revealing certain sensitive information during the divorce process. In addition, all parties involved in the case would need to create specific consequences as part of the agreement to dissuade the parties from breaking the NDA.

Limiting Social Media Presence

In the modern world, social media has become an important aspect of everyday life. To some, every personal detail of a person’s life is shared with the person’s friends list and possibly the public on social media. Despite the convenience, most people must take care of what is being shared online.

One of the major downsides when it comes to social media is not processing one’s thoughts before they are posted. Many social media posts can showcase a person’s raw and unprocessed thoughts. These unprocessed thoughts or feelings concerning a person’s divorce that are posted without a second thought can be extremely detrimental to a divorce. The damaging posts could cause more conflict in the proceedings or be used as evidence against the posting party.

With these potential damages in mind, the best option would be to avoid posting on social media until the divorce has concluded. Limiting or temporarily removing one’s social media presence allows both parties to be more organized and deliberate in what they post online. Taking this time allows parties to consider their posts’ effect on others, including family and friends, even after the divorce has concluded.

Lawyers’ Obligation to Protect Their Client’s Sensitive Information

Lawyers are bound by a code of ethics preventing them from sharing confidential information concerning their client’s case with anyone outside of their law firm other than the court or opposing counsel. In addition, a law firm or party must also take steps to protect the parties’ confidentiality by how the documents are stored or discarded.

Maintaining confidentiality during and after is an important aspect of divorce. No matter what aspects of a divorce are litigated, from the binding contracts of the party’s business to a person’s everyday posts on social media, maintaining confidentiality helps keep the divorce process in check and limits the potential damage of exposing personal and sensitive information to the public to protect all parties involved during the divorce as well as in the future.

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in a consultation to discuss the options available to resolve your divorce, custody issues, support, or equitable distribution issues, please contact me and I can help you investigate your options. Call me, Lenore M.J. Myers, at 215-470-3121 or email me at lmjmyers@cs.com.

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Emotional Effect on Children in Divorce: Litigation v Mediation

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on November 22, 2023. Posted in Blog.

When a parent is going through a divorce, one of the main things parents may focus on is to make sure that the decisions made during the divorce will be most beneficial for the children of the couple. While each situation varies from person to person, this focus may be especially important for the child of the couple, who may be in a vulnerable stage of emotional development during this difficult time.

Despite the best intentions, the outcome may vary depending on what divorce process the couple chooses. Depending on what process is taken, the results could lead to a messy divorce where no one is happy.

The Emotions Children Feel In A Divorce

Emotions associated with grief and loss are common for individuals experiencing divorce. Such emotions could include worry, wonder, unhappiness, and anger and can occur during different stages of the divorce. The most common and complicated emotion during a divorce is anger in children and adults, which is a common reaction to grief and loss. Consequently, if parents are not processing their emotions, such as sadness, grief, or anger, it will negatively affect the children by causing more conflict and tension in the transition. Children can become confused and upset about the divorce. And it is estimated that approximately one million children are affected by divorce every year.

Children of divorce may suffer behaviorally, psychologically, and emotionally. Divorce can present as a crisis in a child’s life. It can be a time of unfamiliar transition, and the child could have a hard time adjusting to the transition, and the distress associated with divorce could cause a shift in mood and trigger anxiety in children as well. As a result, divorce poses a challenging transition for the children to adjust to.

Research has also revealed that children with divorced parents are more likely to see a mental health professional, have problems with depressed moods, and have problems managing their behavior. Increased stress and tension are also risk factors for children who have experienced the divorce of their parents.

The Direction to Choose During a Divorce

Generally, the parties have two directions to choose from while navigating a divorce. They can choose a self-directed process like mediation or collaborative law where the parties decide how to share their assets, debts, and parenting time with the support and assistance of a mediator or collaborative lawyers. Others may choose the court system where they hand their families’ future over to the judges to decide what is the right call for the families’ finances and parenting plans in accordance with the law.

A traditional litigated divorce court environment pits one party against the other; the natural fight-or-flight instincts that may be triggered could result in the mental deterioration of all parties involved, with the child potentially getting caught in the emotional crossfire. As a result, a child enduring a traditional litigated divorce may end up scared and scarred for the rest of their lives and could pass this trauma onto future generations.

Compared to mediation, which focuses on cooperation, the effects a child may experience during a divorce may be mitigated as some of the potential tension and negative emotionality of the experience of divorce can be avoided through the divorce mediation process. Giving parents the chance to have more input and control over the outcome of their divorce can go a long way in reducing the stress of divorce for them. A less stressful divorce gives parents the time and energy to focus on helping their child process these big life changes. Thus, the smoother the divorce process, the better for the emotional stability of the child.

When a party’s focus is on what is best for the children, it may be helpful to compare how children faired after experiencing divorce through each of these types of divorce processes.

It may be helpful for parents in deciding which type of divorce process they choose to compare how children faired after the experience of a traditional litigated divorce with how children who experienced divorce through the mediation process.

By understanding the differences between the divorce process through mediation or collaborative divorce as compared to the divorce process through the courts with attorneys and judges, a person can better understand why each process may affect children differently.

Going Through Traditional Divorce

People are generally familiar with how a traditional court environment works. An unbiased judge makes a decision to resolve the parties’ issues after reviewing the written and spoken testimonies of the facts presented by both sides in conjunction with the laws that apply to those issues.

The way divorce is handled in a traditional court environment is built more from a system that focuses on the resolution of a conflict based on a standard set of rules into which the unique facts of an individual’s divorce are forced to fit. In a traditional divorce environment, the results are decided based on the law and how the Judge decides to apply the law to the facts each side presents.

Each side is pitted against the other to present the most compelling argument to the Judge that their set of facts means that the Judge should decide in their favor under the law. In a traditional court environment, the outcome is focused on reaching a decision where only one side is found to be right, and almost everything for the opposing side is deemed incorrect.

For the parties, this feels like a one-sided resolution. In addition, the other downside of this process is that the focus is simply on the laws and the facts, and the emotional aspects that are always part of any divorce are not part of the decision-making process for the court.

Results After Traditional Divorce

Due to the heated nature of the litigation process, each party can feel like they are being backed into a corner. Often, parties start to argue more based on worse-case scenarios and say things they may regret in the future. This leads to the trust between parents being further eroded. In these scenarios, children absorb all the tension between their parents. As a result, the child may feel conflicted and unsure who to trust.

The biggest emotional impact a child may feel after enduring a traditional divorce is the loss of trust and the questioning of what love is. Prior to their parents separating household, a child may have lived through their parents fighting often. Having experienced such a hostile environment during the developmental years of childhood, a child may be left wondering if love is nothing more than constant conflicts and unsure if they can ever really trust anyone in a relationship, including their future partner. In addition, the child’s once-familiar universe is imploded. A child of divorce is faced with coping with an unfathomable amount of stress, such as living in a new home and adjusting to new people being introduced into their inner family circle. These new challenges that the child faces and how they are navigated will affect them not only in the present but also in the long term. If the divorce ends up being particularly contentious, the parents may still have some hostilities remaining that the child may continue to experience during future interactions with both parents.

Often, the hostilities that arise between divorcing parents can come from miscommunications between the parent’s respective lawyers or the parents themselves. These miscommunications can often arise from the emotionality of a litigated divorce. This kind of miscommunication would lead both parents to become increasingly distrustful and defensive when dealing with their former partner.

These hostile interactions are extremely detrimental to a child’s emotional well-being. Not only are they emotionally stressful to the child, but the parents may be so immersed in their defensive posture with one another they may overlook the child’s emotional distress being suffered as a result of the divorce. Therefore, a child may be forced to suffer in silence during a traditional litigated divorce.

Children exposed to high conflict are more likely to be affected negatively and could also have weakened relationships with one or both parents. Divorce can also cause children to have to grow up too quickly, which could impact their adjustment and resiliency.

If a child develops emotional wounds from this trauma, that can last a lifetime and may even be potentially passed on to their future children. According to an article by the Washington Post, intergenerational trauma can pass between multiple generations through personal experiences and even genes. Combined with the normal childhood and teenage challenges a child might face, a child going through a traditional litigated divorce may suffer more deeply or become overwhelmed emotionally as a result of all the extreme changes happening to them.

Going Through Mediation

However, the extreme changes a child endures during a divorce can be mitigated if both parties take a more active part in deciding the future of their family during a divorce through the process of divorce mediation.

Despite concerns over the psychological well-being of children of divorce, researchers found that after being involved in divorce mediation, parents had decreased levels of distress and anxiety, which may overall be beneficial for children, as they may benefit from their parent’s decreased anxiety.

Given our country’s high divorce rate and its negative impact on children, families must become involved with mediation. This process facilitates a positive involvement of both parents in their children’s lives following divorce. As well as being positively involved, families and children are in need of interventions to manage conflicts and emotions. Research has shown that divorce mediation helps resolve emotional and agreement issues in family conflict, which could have a positive impact on children’s adjustment to the divorce.

One of the key aspects of divorce mediation is the focus on collaboration between both parties. By prioritizing cooperation, mediation promotes a satisfactory result for all parties involved. The cooperative process of divorce mediation reduces the stress for both parties as they are navigating their divorce. In addition, with cooperation being the focus of divorce mediation, the results can be more beneficial for the child’s future in the long term.

One of the most beneficial aspects for the child where the parents cooperate while navigating their divorce is that the parents’ can also work together to focus on meeting the child’s needs. This can result in reassuring the child and dissipating the child’s fears about all the big changes they are facing due to the divorce.

This cooperative approach also creates a calm atmosphere that allows the parents to talk about the divorce between themselves and the child. This also encourages the child to feel more comfortable talking about how they are feeling about the divorce and how it is affecting them. This open dialog can make the child feel more valued in the divorce discussion. While reassuring the child could also happen in the traditional litigated divorce environment, mediation is more likely to promote calmer interactions between the parents, which can greatly reduce the amount of tension felt by the parents and the child as the family transitions into separate households.

Results After Mediation

There are many benefits that stem from the divorce mediation process as compared with the litigated traditional divorce process.

Due to the more cooperative, relaxed environment created as part of the mediation process, parents may feel more relaxed talking to each other and may gain more understanding about the other parent’s perspective about what they need or think the child needs as they transition households. This can allow the child to adjust more successfully to the post-divorce environment.

In addition, these cooperative interactions between the parents ease tensions and allow the child to maintain healthier relationships with both parents and feel comfortable talking to each parent about their needs or wants. Maintaining healthy relationships with both parents helps a child build confidence for future long-term relationships. Also, by seeing both parents willingly cooperate after a divorce, the child may have a better understanding of how to handle relationship conflicts.

These benefits that are offered to a child who experiences divorce through mediation as opposed to litigation give the child a better chance at succeeding in future relationships while also preparing them for the trials and tribulations they may face.

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The Power of Positive Communication in Divorce Mediation: How to Keep the Dialogue Open and Productive

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on November 8, 2023. Posted in Blog.

One of the key aspects that people learn when growing up is the importance of communication, and that continues to be even more important as everyone gets older. Communication is the most essential tool to help people understand the perspectives and motivations of one another. Therefore, communication in divorce mediation is vital.

Controlling Your Emotions

In any step of divorce, dealing with one’s emotions is one of the most common issues that may arise. In the realm of communication, having the ability to control one’s emotions during a stressful situation can be a helpful skill for a person to have amid divorce. In a divorce setting, the amount of stress for both spouses and the intensity of their feelings for their soon-to-be ex are higher than usual for both individuals.

Meetings between separating parties to discuss a path forward can trigger some intense emotions. The spouses can mentally prepare for any upcoming event or proceeding by planning certain meetups and legal reviews.

Planning a meeting with a former spouse will help both parties mentally prepare for being in the same physical space with that other person and for the subjects that will be discussed. Being mentally prepared for meeting a former spouse will help the parties approach the meeting with a clear mind. Thus, combined with conversations using precise and direct language, as discussed below, the discussions between the parties regarding the divorce proceedings can be more productive with this type of mental preparation.

It can also help to prepare for meetings that are about to occur in more socially relaxed situations, such as family gatherings. Processing emotions before meetings with former spouses and perhaps their relatives is especially important if the couple has any children that will be present during these gatherings.

Being Honest and Direct

While communication in divorce mediation or another divorce setting may be difficult at first glance, knowing what needs to be said will help expedite the process. Like all conversions, some people may have difficulty describing their needs. Being clear and direct communications about what each party wants in a divorce will help understand everyone’s intentions without confusion. It will also help show that the speaker has a well-thought-out plan of action. With the interests being clearly described, any potential misunderstandings can be avoided. This will help make proceedings smoother in a divorce case.

Another technique that helps promote a productive conversation is when one party listens to the other party speaking without interruption. By giving the former spouse undivided attention, the speaking spouse will feel that their concerns are being validated and heard. The feeling of validation will be further bolstered if the listener describes what the listener heard back to the speaker in as direct a manner as possible.

Lastly, being genuine, honest, and direct about one’s thoughts will help clarify your intentions when communicating with an estranged spouse and help reduce misunderstandings between both parties during the divorce. Thus, being truthful in a divorce can help create a sense of trust so that both parties may be more willing to cooperate to reach settlements.

Planning Out Your Message

When people communicate with each other today, the most common method is through text messaging services, emails, or social media platforms. While this may have the benefit of quick, direct access for friends and family, many people will post personal thoughts or responses without a second thought or review. Unfortunately, with these forms of communication in divorce mediation, the true tone and meaning of the message can get lost in translation.

This can potentially lead to misunderstandings by the receiver as to what is actually being said or what was intended by the sender. Any misinterpretation can lead the receiving spouse to question the sending spouse’s motivation or intentions, thereby putting them on the defensive. This, in turn, can lead to distrust and arguments, which can really derail a divorce proceeding by taking it from being peaceful to being a battle.

If one needs to communicate with a former spouse via text or email, the best course would be to be precise about the words being typed and to weigh them carefully to clearly and unemotionally convey your message before being sent. A well-planned and thought-out written message can help ensure that no unnecessary emotions are inflamed by any misunderstandings that may be created by a hastily drafted text or email.

Children

Like the parents, the child is also navigating the emotional landmines that have been set up between the parties and is trying to avoid them at all costs. Being honest and treating the child like a person with their own thoughts and feelings will help create a sense of ease in the child’s mind.

It is essential to help a child maintain a healthy relationship with both parents by making them feel safe and secure in the presence of their parents individually and together. To avoid making the child a part of the collateral damage during divorce proceedings, parents should avoid potentially hostile emotional exchanges between them in the presence of the child.

When it comes to talking about or talking to a child during a divorce, it is essential to recognize how the parent or the child might feel about the words being used. Parents need to be careful not to make it feel like the child is being used as a bargaining chip in the divorce negotiations. A hastily stated comment can trigger intense emotions in a parent or a child. Using direct, thoughtful language and taking note of the child’s potential feelings will help keep the divorce proceeding focused and moving at a steady pace.

While children who are minors are a common focal point in a divorce, this concept can still apply to adult children. Even though adult children can understand some of the more mature concepts of divorce, they still face some of the same emotional challenges that an underage child would, such as torn loyalties or fracturing of their emotional foundation. As such, some of the same communication tactics mentioned above also apply here. No matter the age difference, awareness and consideration of the child’s feelings are essential if the goal of the proceedings is to benefit all the people involved in a divorce.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the issues that arise with communication in divorce mediation vary on a case-by-case basis. Clients can be so overwhelmed that they may have trouble planning what they need to say or may be unable to describe to their attorney or spouse the exact details of what they feel they need to live separately and apart from their soon-to-be ex-spouse. Often, the client’s emotions make such communication even more difficult. In addition, other factors like children can complicate aspects of these communications even more.

In the world of divorce, no matter what the issues are, knowing how to communicate best will help people better prepare for the necessary interactions that take place during divorce, which in turn can help the process move forward at a more productive and steadier pace.

So, just like when you were still a child, the key to navigating any relationship is healthy communication, and it is even more essential when dealing with a former spouse/partner during and after divorce proceedings.

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How The Divorce Process Can Affect Your Future & What You Can Do

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on October 31, 2023. Posted in Blog.

How you go through the divorce process sets the path for your and your family’s futures. A tumultuous divorce causes more pain, deepens wounds, and makes moving forward more challenging. Many people still struggle emotionally, physically, and financially years after their divorce is over. The long-term effects of a nasty divorce are even more complicated when children are involved. But this doesn’t have to be the case.

Having the right tools and mindset during the divorce process can set the course for a better future for the entire family. When properly adjusted, a different divorce mindset can bring healing, happiness, and prosperity.

Our goal is to help people who have or are experiencing divorce can transform their lives and bring restoration to their broken families with solutions we can help them discover that fit their unique situation.

Join our Divorce Mediation Coaching event to learn how families can go through and beyond divorce with dignity and can, in turn, restore their health, wealth, and happiness.

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My Professional Epiphany

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on October 11, 2023. Posted in Blog.

I remember it so well. I had been practicing family law litigation for about 4 years. I saw how the courts just pulled families apart and caused children immense pain and distress in its adversarial system. It was so disheartening to me because I went into law practice to help people.

I was at a Pennsylvania Family Law Winter Meeting in 1992 when a woman stood up and said, “I am a reformed custody litigator.” My head just about exploded, and I thought that was what I wanted to be when I grew up. After that, I started looking into how to become part of the solution instead of part of the problem (to paraphrase John Lennon). I found something called mediation.

I traveled to Silver Springs, Maryland, for a week-long course to train to become a family law mediator. I felt like I had found Nirvana. What a wonderful way to support people through the painful divorce process and give peace a chance. Unfortunately, mediation was not well known as an alternative to divorce and custody litigation at the time, but it has slowly taken a foothold. I proclaimed never to try a custody case in court in 2002 and never to try another divorce case in 2012.

Lawyering up and duking it out in court is not the best way to get divorced. I kicked the litigation drug then and there and feel so much better not putting myself and my clients into that pressure cooker to have a stranger in a black robe decide the rest of their lives.

There is a better option. It’s called mediation.

SIGN UP FOR MY DIVORCE MEDIATION COACHING PROGRAM TODAY

If you take my hand, I can show you the way. My Don’t Litigate. Mediate! Coaching program begins in late 2023. Get on the waiting list now by emailing me at DivorceDoneDifferentlyPA@gmail.com, and let me know if you want to be in my coaching program. If you have to divorce, do it the best way: Don’t Litigate. Mediate! Don’t delay. Do it today.

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Divorce Without Destruction and Drama

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on September 27, 2023. Posted in Blog.

The stress of ending a marriage can take its toll on your emotional and financial well-being. If not navigated properly, decisions about custody, support, and who is responsible for what you owe and what you own can impact your future in a devastating and lasting way. But you can decide on divorce without destruction and drama.

Sign Up For My Divorce Mediation Coaching Program Today

My program can empower those facing divorce who fear ending up with a hole in their heart and their pockets by helping them have their divorce done differently, where everyone wins. You will receive the tools to stay in control of creating your own divorce financial and custody agreements in an economically informed, amicable way without court involvement. Not the lawyers. Not the judge. My program will give you the tools to help you succeed in the following:

Finding a peaceful way to resolve conflict
Planning a fair financial future
Shortening the divorce process
Avoiding painful court battles
Saving you $1000s in legal fees.

Through my program, I can help you plan a divorce strategy for a brighter future with minimal conflict and maximum peace of mind. The coaching program begins late 2023.

Get on the waiting list now by emailing Attorney-Mediator Lenore Myers at DivorceDoneDifferentlyPA@gmail.com and let her know you want to be in her coaching program. Don’t delay. Do it today.

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What Are The Prenuptial Agreement Advantages and Disadvantages?

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on September 12, 2023. Posted in Blog.

When it comes to divorce, whether it be settled via a peaceful agreement through a mediator or a hostile fight in court, a couple’s biggest hurdles are who gets what and how it gets decided. This is where prenuptial agreement advantages and disadvantages come into play.

Having an idea ahead of a divorce of what property goes to each partner during the divorce will help make the divorce process move at a much smoother pace. By drafting an agreement before marriage, a couple can bring much-needed clarity to a potentially messy divorce by outlining how certain property is divided in the event of a divorce. This is the basic concept of a prenuptial agreement.

People interested in creating a prenuptial agreement may need guidance on where to start.

Basics of a Prenuptial Agreement

In summary, a prenuptial agreement is an agreement made between parties about to be married, determining which party gets what property in the event the marriage ends in divorce. This property can range from the property a person possessed before the marriage to any property acquired during the marriage. The main purpose of a prenuptial agreement is to outline how property owned prior to and acquired after the marriage is to be divided in the event of a divorce to avoid ugly court battles and plan for the future with or without their soon-to-be spouse.

For some, a prenuptial agreement can also build trust between both parties, who may still feel vulnerable concerning their assets when considering the prospect of marriage. Having the agreement created before marriage makes deciding who gets what during a divorce much faster than making those decisions after the break up of the marriage, whether it be done peacefully or otherwise.

In terms of cost, a prenuptial agreement can cost around $1500 on average. Depending on a person’s state, the cost may go as high as $6,000. It is best advised that those outside the state of Pennsylvania research the cost of a prenuptial agreement to prepare ahead of time.

Some people considering a prenuptial agreement may wonder about the benefits of a prenuptial agreement in marriage and divorce. Like with any legally binding agreement, there are advantages and disadvantages, depending on the terms and conditions of the agreement.

Advantages of a Prenuptial Agreement

As mentioned earlier, one of the major advantages of having a prenuptial agreement is that in the event of a future divorce, it can make the process move at a much faster and smoother pace since both parties are deciding in advance what property will be handed over to them if the marriage ends. Thus by creating a prenuptial agreement in advance, couples can avoid a possible contentious divorce in the future.

Alimony payments are also an issue that can be addressed in a prenuptial agreement. The terms and conditions of a prenuptial agreement can outline if a spouse will receive alimony and, if so, how much and for how long.

So should a potential divorce come about to dissolve the marriage, having a prenuptial agreement may help give a clearer understanding of the economics of dividing the property the couples possess.

Disadvantages of a Prenuptial Agreement

While it may seem like a good idea for a couple to get a prenuptial agreement, only some couples may be interested in creating one. One of the downsides of a prenuptial agreement is that it needs to be done before marriage which can put a damper on the romantic notion of “til death do us part.” In an article by NOLO, a prenuptial agreement not only could be a potential romance killer if not properly handled, but it may also be unnecessary in some cases.

In addition, preparing a prenuptial agreement can add to all the other stressors that come with planning a wedding.

Further, issues such as child custody or child support may come with a divorce that cannot be settled with a prenuptial agreement.

How a Divorce Mediator & Attorney Can Help with Prenuptial Agreements

While the process of a prenuptial agreement may not be for everyone, knowing the option exists could benefit the couple if they deem it necessary. Especially in the world of mediation and divorce, knowing who would get particular assets ahead of time could greatly reduce unnecessary headaches and wasted money for the couple in the event of a divorce.

Having a basic knowledge of the concept, knowing the prenuptial agreement advantages and disadvantages, and consulting with a family law attorney can help a couple decide if creating a prenuptial agreement prior to their marriage is a worthwhile investment.

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What Are The Specifics of Alimony In Pennsylvania?

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on August 28, 2023. Posted in Blog.

Alimony is a familiar word to anyone going through a divorce or familiar with the divorce process. And issues related to alimony in Pennsylvania are no different.

Depending on your state, the rules of alimony have varied from state to state in terms of how the wealth is distributed and what legal requirements and laws are used to determine the exact amount.

While this may seem confusing when talking about alimony in general, knowing the way alimony is handled in one’s state will help ensure clarity. It will help in understanding what alimony is precisely.

For this article, the concept of alimony will be based on how it is described in Pennsylvania law and what it means for those living there. This article will focus on the specific laws and definitions stated in Pennsylvania law. While there may be some similarities with other states, it is best to remember that what is mentioned in this article may not be the same in other states.

Differences Between Spousal Support and Alimony in Pennsylvania.

When people are initially preparing for a divorce, the spouse may have also heard of the term spousal support and may wonder how it compares to alimony.

While both processes involve payments between the now separated spouses, the differences come in how the amount of the payments is determined and when the payments are made. Spousal support is paid before the spouses are divorced and determined by a calculation made under the Pennsylvania Support Guidelines. In contrast, alimony is paid after the spouses are divorced and determined at the court’s discretion based on 17 different factors outlined in the law.

What Is Alimony In Pennsylvania?

In short, alimony is financial support paid by the spouse with a higher income to the spouse with a lower income after the parties are divorced. This amount and length of the payment can be determined by the parties’ agreement or the court’s order.

In Pennsylvania, when the court decides the amount of alimony to be paid is calculated by weighing 17 different factors to determine the amount and duration for the terms of alimony to be paid. One of the factors to be considered would be the financial assets each party will receive in the division of the marital assets.

What Factors Make Up Alimony in Pennsylvania?

A number of the other factors that can be considered in determining the amount and term of alimony to be paid include the income of both parties, how long the marriage lasted, and if the couple has had a child together, which requires one spouse to be the stay at home parent. The court considers these 17 factors to determine if the spouse with the larger income should help support their former partner by paying them alimony until that person can support themselves.

Alimony may also be modifiable after the divorce. If alimony is ruled modifiable, then if any changes occur in income, the former couple may need to visit the court to request a change. The court will determine if a change in the amount of alimony being paid needs to occur.

Usually, alimony is paid for only a set period. However, there are some instances where alimony is deemed permanent if the former partner cannot financially recover. In this instance, alimony would be paid until the former dependent spouse is either dead or remarries another person.

Understanding the determination of the payment of alimony in Pennsylvania is a highly complex process. Anyone going through a divorce in Pennsylvania should consult an experienced family law attorney to determine their rights to alimony under the law.

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Orientation Day

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on January 6, 2023. Posted in Blog.

Orientation Day

Today was an “orientation” day for my son’s transition to a four-year university. Basically, it was a very general “Welcome!” and “Hello!” to new students and those transferring (like my son) to the school. I don’t remember what it was specifically called, but “orientation day” is the best phrase. My partner and I could tell that our son initially seemed very overwhelmed by it. For the first part of the day, he got very quiet, and I could tell he was questioning himself and all the amazing things he’s accomplished in his life to this point. He’s had a bit of a journey in his life, and I was so proud to be a part of his day today.

As we wound our way through line after line (to get into another line), the look on his face said it all. This is unlike anything he’s ever experienced before. Yes, we’ve driven through the campus numerous times, and he’s gotten the basic lay of the land. But today, it was real for him: this is no longer a distant thought about eventually transferring. He was committed, knew he was accepted as a student, and knew he was going there. He’s scheduled his classes, and we’ve put down a deposit. Today was a very intense day for him.

While waiting for our coffee and doughnuts, I heard him say something almost offhandedly. He sounded a bit distant and dreamy and a bit dejected. Looking around at all the other families, he mumbled to himself, “I think I should have done this four years ago.” Then, without skipping a beat, my husband casually ruminated out loud, “Well, I don’t know. What do you think, Mama?” As he said this, he flashed a quick glance at me. It was one of those slight, swift glances the two of us share when we “talk” to each other without actually saying a word. I knew that was my cue. I’ve written before that my partner and I split the lead on certain things. This is one of my many areas of expertise.

I told him something like I’m going to tell you now.

You are in a strange new place. Life is going on around you, and sometimes there’s a never-ending line of people and meetings and strange new experiences you’ve never encountered before. It’s intimidating. It’s terrifying. It’s extremely disorienting and overwhelming in a way that may never have seemed possible. But you know what? You are exactly where you need to be, and despite how you may feel, this is not necessarily a bad thing.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve caught myself thinking, “I could have done this” or “I should have done that.” Why? You’ve done the best you could with what you knew at the time. That’s a good thing. There’s no shame in that. You know what you know now, and that’s what counts. What matters is what you do with what you know today.

In comparison with others, my son has always started out “behind” or labeled as “failed.” But my husband and I have always asked each other: “Behind who?”, “Failed what?” He’s always been right where he needs to be – for himself – to achieve what is best for him at any given moment. In the end, it’s always worked out. With time and (healthy) support, his engines have always revved up when he’s ready. He’s “engaged warp speed” (as my Trekkie spouse says) to bridge chasms, surging through any darkness or doubt: all when the time and place were right for him. This is not pollyannish by any means. I’m not saying there haven’t been many “dark nights of the soul” for us. There certainly have been times – days, months, even years – when we’ve had profound, doubtful misgivings about the outcomes (but that is where faith and hope come into play). But yes, I have to assert that, in the end, things have always worked out for the best for him as long as he made an effort.

Yet remember what I just said: “time and healthy support.” You and your ex deserve to be heard. You both deserve to be supported. You both deserve that moment when “warp speed” is suddenly and unexpectedly engaged by some seemingly unknown reason, force, or power.

I am a part of that process for you both.

My Role as A Mediator

I don’t “fix” things or people. I’m a part of a larger manifestation in your life that helps you both to achieve what is best for both of you should you so choose. Even though a relationship may be over, you and your ex were brought together to provide the opportunity to heal each other: That’s why you were attracted to each other in the first place. I know this sounds odd, but it’s true. As a mediator, I am a catalyst to assist you in making sense of your current situation and how you can move forward towards all, which can be the best of what might be. The point is to do this in a non-confrontational and alleviating, mitigating way. This is my expertise.

I’m not a therapist. It’s not my job or purpose to perform such a role. However, I can be an integral part of your larger, healthy support system. I’ve spent my entire 36-plus-year career learning and developing the methodologies and processes of mediating divorce for both for the benefit of all. I’ve seen things that work and many things which don’t. I would challenge you to engage me to assist you with all the techniques I’ve learned over the course of decades for the benefit of you, your children, and even your ex.

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