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Collaborative Divorce Process

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on . Posted in Blog.

The collaborative divorce process can vary by jurisdiction and the professionals who become involved in your case. However, generally, the process is described best as “representation without litigation.” Collaborative divorce is a mix between a traditional divorce because it involves attorneys, and divorce mediation, where couples reach an agreement on their own through discussions facilitated by a mediator.

Lawyers retained for the collaborative divorce process are specifically trained to reach “win-win” settlements instead of “win- lose” outcomes. This is because Collaborative attorneys serve as advocates not only for what is best for their clients but for what is fair and just for all involved.

In the collaborative divorce process, all the professionals involved in your matter are interested in helping you and your spouse resolve your legal issues in an amicable fashion without litigation. Anything that is shared during the collaborative divorce process is confidential and cannot be used in litigation if the collaborative divorce process fails.

The process generally involves the following steps:

  1. Each spouse hires a collaborative attorney, who has been trained in the collaborative law process. One attorney cannot ethically represent both sides because an attorney is hired to advocate for only one party, their client.

  2.  The spouses and their attorneys sign a collaborative contract that sets out the terms of the process which requires the parties to agree to “collaborate” in the divorce process in order to reach an amicable settlement. If an agreement cannot be reached and the case goes to court, the agreement also states that the spouses’ attorneys cannot represent their clients in the litigation process. The spouses would then have to hire new attorneys to represent them in litigating their case in the courts.

  3.  The spouses will meet with their attorneys alone and individually to discuss his or her most favorable vision for a parenting plan, child support, spousal support and property division.

  4.  Then the two attorneys and the spouses will also meet together in joint sessions to discuss their client’s position. In these initial meetings the attorneys lay the groundwork for the process in the future to discuss what issues the spouses agree upon and which need to be negotiated.

  5. As the meetings progress, other professionals such as accountants, business appraisers, certified divorce financial analysts, accountants, real estate agents and/or and mental health professionals can be brought into the meetings to assist the spouses in reaching agreements. These professionals remain neutral during the collaborative process. With the help of these professionals working together with the parties, the spouses can make the best-informed decisions that are focused on the specific needs of their family.

    • Certified Divorce Financial Analysts – Certified divorce financial analysts are neutrals who help you and your spouse have a better understanding of what your finances may look like post-divorce. In this way, these financial neutrals help support you and your spouse by helping you understand your cash flow and financial situation as you negotiate a fair division of your assets and debts and calculation of support issues.
    • Mental Health Professional – These professionals often serve as the facilitators in joint collaborative discussions with you and your spouse and your attorneys. They help diffuse the emotional issues that may arise between the two of you during the collaborative divorce process meetings. These professionals also remain neutral as you and your spouse discuss parenting and financial issues and do not represent either you or your spouse.
    • Child Specialist/ Parenting Coordinator – In addition to the mental health professional, a child specialist or parenting coordinator may be involved to support you and your spouse in the collaborative process. This specialist may support the two of you and your child to have a smoother transition during this emotional time. As a parenting coordinator, a mental health professional assists you both as the parents in developing a parenting place that is focused on the best interests of your child and your family while addressing each of your concerns as a parent.
    • Real Estate Broker/ Business Appraisers/ Accountants– All of these financial professionals help support you and your spouse, in a neutral way, to handle the various aspects of the division of your marital property and debt as far as the valuation or sale or transfer and/or tax implications of the division of the marital estate.

Collaborative divorce is an option for couples who feel they can work their divorce settlement themselves but still want legal protection. Although not right for everyone, collaborative divorce allows parties to end the marriage but retain a functional relationship during and after divorce.

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in a consultation to discuss the options available to resolve your divorce, custody issues, support, or equitable distribution issues, please contact me and I can help you investigate your options. Call me, Lenore M.J. Myers, at 215-470-3121 or email me at lmjmyers@cs.com.

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Picking a Divorce Mediator | Divorce Done Differently in PA

10 Things To Consider When Picking a Divorce Mediator

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on . Posted in Blog.

Facing the end of your marriage can be a very stressful life transition, especially if children are involved. Deciding how to move forward with the process can add stress and confusion. Do you choose to hire an attorney and divorce through the courts or find a divorce mediator? Below are some important things to consider when picking a divorce mediator.

Picking a Divorce Mediator

Divorce mediation is a more cost effective and peaceful way than hiring an attorney for couples to transition from one household to two as their marriage ends. Through divorce mediation, couples can avoid costly, painful, lengthy court battles. The couple negotiates the settlement of all the issues involved in their divorce with the assistance of a divorce mediator. Their mediator will help facilitate settlement discussions without the traditional costly legal expenses of the divorce and custody courts.
In order for the divorce mediation process to be successful, picking a divorce mediator that is right for both of you is important. Most divorce mediators offer a consultation for all those involved to determine if the process and the mediator are the right fit for the couple.

Here are ten points you should consider in deciding if divorce mediation is the right fit for both of you and if your divorce mediator is capable of helping you both through your divorce.

1. How much does divorce mediation cost?

Divorce mediation is more cost effective because the couple will not be paying two lawyers to communicate for them but will be speaking directly to one another with the assistance of one mediator. You should ask your mediator how they charge for consultations and their services up front.

Most divorce mediators have different fee structures that allow the couple to plan for and understand exactly what the cost of their mediation will be.
Fees for divorce mediation vary depending on the complexity of the marital estate and issues at hand to be settled. After the initial consultation, the divorce mediator will quote a fee for a service that will meet the couples’ needs. If the couple wants to proceed with mediation, an agreement will be signed between the parties and the divorce mediator outlining the fee structure and the services the fee covers. The fee agreement should also cover what happens with the payment and refund of fees in the event that the mediation stops midstream either because the process stalls, one person digs in their heels or leaves the process, or the parties decide to take a break. These questions may also be raised at the initial consultation.

2. How does divorce mediation work?

This should definitely be outlined by your divorce mediator during the consultation. You should ask your divorce mediator how their mediation process works.

Generally, once the couple has retained their divorce mediator, the mediator will give the parties a list of documents and information that must be gathered. Once the information is gathered, the divorce mediator will schedule the mediation sessions to discuss the issues to be resolved.

Once agreements on all the issues have been reached, the terms and conditions of the settlement are reduced to either a memorandum of understanding which is not legally binding or a marital settlement agreement which is legally binding. The difference in these two agreements is whether or not your mediator is a licensed attorney who can prepare a legally binding settlement agreement.

The last step will be for the parties to file the final divorce paperwork with the court. Many mediators offer to assist clients with this process through their staff but the mediator will not represent them in the courts during this process.

3. How long does divorce mediation take?

A divorce mediator should be able to give you a time range for the completion of a mediation. However, generally it depends on the couples’ timeline. Generally the divorce mediation process itself takes between three to six months.

The finalization of the divorce depends on the laws of the state.

4. What are some of the benefits of divorce mediation over going through the courts?

Your divorce mediator should be able to give a long list of reasons why divorce mediation will benefit you both in the long run.

Generally, the process is much more predictable. You will have an idea when the divorce mediation process will start and end. You will have control over the possible outcomes of the mediation process.

There is no such predictability in the courts. Couples do not have control over how the courts will rule in their case even if their lawyer can give them a best case scenario.

5. Is divorce mediation legally binding?

Divorce mediators who are serving a party strictly as a mediator and who are not licensed to practice law can only draft memorandums of understanding memorializing the terms and conditions agreed upon by the couple in divorce mediations. A memorandum of understanding is not a legally binding document per se. In order to create a legally binding marital settlement agreement incorporating all the terms and conditions agreed upon as outlined in a memorandum of understanding, the couple must take the memorandum to a licensed attorney to draft a legally binding marital settlement agreement or if their mediator is a licensed attorney, the divorce mediator can serve as a drafter of the legally binding marital settlement agreement as well.

You will need to ask you mediator if they will be able to prepare your marital settlement agreement or only a memorandum of understanding.

6. Is divorce mediation the right answer for both of you?

The divorce mediator should be able to give you an idea if mediation will work for both of you after the initial consultation.

Divorce mediation is for those couples who are committed to reaching mutually agreeable and beneficial agreements within the divorce settlement negotiations. Mediation is not for those couples seeking revenge or punishment of the other party.

Divorce mediation will not be successful unless the parties are willing to compromise. Having a “my way or the highway” attitude will doom the success of any divorce mediation from the start.

7. Will divorce mediation change my relationship with my ex?

Any good divorce mediator will tell you that their goal is to improve communications between the couple for the long run. This is accomplished by the divorce mediator facilitating and modeling productive, neutralizing communications for the divorcing couple.

However, if one spouse (or both ) is violent, has severe mental health issues or severe substance abuse issues, a mediator may advise couples to seek other avenues for resolving their divorce.

8. Is divorce mediation public?

Divorce mediation sessions are private and confidential. The parties meet with the divorce mediator in the mediator’s office. The couple never has to go to the public courts to settle their divorce other than to file their final divorce paperwork which is generally sealed by the courts as well.

9. Do I still need a lawyer to represent me in mediation?

Ending a marriage is a legal process. Most divorce mediators will not encourage lawyers to attend mediation sessions. In fact some mediators prohibit their clients from having legal representation during the mediation process. However all divorce mediators recommend that their clients consult with a divorce attorney to ensure that their clients are well informed of their legal rights. In addition, clients will need a divorce attorney to either prepare or review their final marital settlement agreement.

10. Ask your divorce mediator why divorce mediation with them as your mediator will benefit you as a couple.

As you are in the process of picking a divorce mediator, you should ask during the consultation why they think mediation is the right fit for you and your spouse.
You should also ask your divorce mediator about their professional experience and their success rate with mediation cases reaching final settlement. Raise any issues or concerns you have about the possibility of success or failure in your mediation with your divorce mediator.

In the end, you are picking a divorce mediator who is right for you if you both feel a connection with the divorce mediator personally and feel confident in their ability. If you are both committed to settling your divorce in an amicable way that benefits both of you, then dive in; mediation waters can be very healing.

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in a consultation to discuss the options available to resolve your divorce, custody issues, support, or equitable distribution issues, please contact me and I can help you investigate your options. Call me, Lenore M.J. Myers, at 215-470-3121 or email me at lmjmyers@cs.com.

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Common Questions About Divorce Mediation

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on . Posted in Blog.

Can Divorce Mediation Work For Me and Why?

If your marriage is coming to an end, this can be a very stressful life transition, especially if there are children involved. Many couples think that their only option is to “lawyer up” during a divorce. What most couples don’t realize as they start down this road is that this can be a very expensive proposition. Once a lawyer is hired to represent someone in a custody or divorce suit, they will be paying for every single phone call, email or paper their attorney and/or their support staff touches in their case. So if your lawyer charges the going rate of $300 per hour or $75 to $150 per hour for their staff, you will be billed for every tenth of an hour each of these professionals spend on your one email sent. That means one email could cost you $100 or more. Those kind of expenses may not be in everyone’s budget.

But there is a better way- Divorce Mediation. Mediation is a much more cost effective and peaceful way for couples to transition from one household to two as their marriage ends. Through divorce mediation, couples can avoid costly, painful, lengthy court battles. The couples, not the courts, will negotiate the settlement of all the issues involved in their divorce including property matters, support payments and custody sharing. This is accomplished through the assistance of a divorce mediator who will help facilitate settlement discussions between the couple without the traditional costly legal expenses of the divorce and custody courts.

Most divorce mediators have different fee structures that allow the couple to plan for and understand exactly what the cost of their divorce mediation will be. In addition, divorce mediation is more cost effective because the couple will not be paying two lawyers to communicate for them but will be speaking directly to one another with the assistance of one divorce mediator.

Common Questions About Divorce Mediation

Below are some answers to common questions about divorce mediation that I hear. These may help you determine if mediation is right for you.

What if my spouse and I don’t talk?

Divorce mediators are skilled at facilitating peaceful conversations between divorcing couples. So long as the couple is committed to resolving their differences in a more amicable way instead of through the adversarial process of the courts, divorce mediation can work for most couples. This is because divorce mediation actually helps instill in couples a better way to communicate about important issues. This can be very helpful for the couple going forward as they may face future difficult conversations such as those surrounding their children even after the divorce mediation ends. In addition, a divorce mediator will often encourage each person to have their own emotional support such as a therapist who can also help the couples learn better communication skills individually.

What if I am afraid of my spouse?

A divorce mediator works to establish a safe space for both parties to discuss important issues in their divorce. A skilled divorce mediator serves as neutral facilitator who will intervene during difficult discussions in order to balance any power struggles between the couples surrounding the issue being discussed. However, if there has been any domestic violence between the parties, divorce mediation may not be the best route to settle divorce issues.

Can I consult with an attorney before I begin divorce mediation?

It can be helpful to consult with an attorney to understand what you may be entitled to under the law during a divorce. However, any attorney will tell you that there are no guarantees in court. In addition, couples can decide what works best for them and their family in their marital settlement agreement which does not have to follow any particular court guidelines.

Can I take an attorney to represent me at the divorce mediation?

Attorneys may be consulted outside of the divorce mediation sessions but the parties can’t participate in mediation sessions if they are represented by attorneys in certain states. If a person wants to try a peaceful settlement route but still wants to retain an attorney, they may consider hiring a collaboratively trained lawyer who could represent them in settlement discussions without litigation. However, collaborative law settlements are not as cost effective as divorce mediation settlements.

Is divorce mediation legally binding?

Divorce mediators who are serving a party strictly as a mediator and who are not licensed to practice law can only draft memorandums of understanding memorializing the terms and conditions agreed upon by the couple in divorce mediations. A memorandum of understanding is not a legally binding document per se. In order to create a legally binding marital settlement agreement incorporating all the terms and conditions agreed upon as outlined in a memorandum of understanding, the couple must take the memorandum to an attorney to draft a legally binding marital settlement agreement or if the mediator is a licensed attorney, the divorce mediator can serve as a drafter of the legally binding marital settlement agreement as well.

Why is divorce mediation better than going to court?

The courts are adversarial. They teach people how to fight. The decisions made in court are the result of what the lawyers and the judges say not what the parties want or decide. If the couple has children, the adversarial court system can cause even more bitterness between the couple which can make co-parenting even more difficult which in turn can be very harmful to the children involved.

In short, it may be worthwhile for any couple facing divorce to consider investigating mediation as an option. Contact me if you have further questions about divorce mediation.

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in a consultation to discuss the options available to resolve your divorce, custody issues, support, or equitable distribution issues, please contact me and I can help you investigate your options, including divorce mediation. Call me, Lenore M.J. Myers, at 215-470-3121 or email me at lmjmyers@cs.com.

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Lenore Myers Answers Questions About Divorce Mediation | Divorce Done Differently in PA

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Creating Peace in Divorce Conflicts

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on . Posted in Blog, Peace Maker.

Creating peace…Letting go of expectations

Creating peace starts with simply letting a seed be planted. Letting a seed be planted starts with letting go. A seed cannot be planted unless the plant in which it is held lets go. Often when we find ourselves in a situation in which we are angry or upset, it is because we feel disappointed because our expectations have not been met. But by holding on to those unfulfilled expectations we do not allow for growth and beauty in the situation. If we let go of unmet expectations that have resulted in pain and grief, we allow the seeds of peace to float away to be planted.

Much like the seeds of a milkweed that float in the air in an elusive way to land where they may. As those freed seeds find their way to be planted, a beautiful plant will grow to nourish the world with beauty and bounty. The butterfly will come to sip the nectar of its flowers and be nourished to go off to pollinate other plants that grow and provide sustenance for others. The butterfly eggs that will be laid on the plant will become caterpillars that will be nourished, grow, and cocoon to become butterflies themselves, to later fly off to nourish and build the world.

Can you imagine putting this in the context of a family going through the transition of a divorce or separation. If the partners simply let go of their painful feelings surrounding their unmet needs and expectations in favor of planting seeds of peace, can you imagine the result? If partners allow these seeds of peace to be planted and help them to grow within the family as a newly planted peace, it can nourish the whole family in a myriad of ways. As the new family peace is nurtured, the ex-partners can be nourished and their wounds healed by the new peace that has bloomed. In their new unconflicted state, they can go forth to nurture and cultivate peace and prosperity in the rest of the world as well.

In this newly-grown peaceful environment, children can have their needs met with a sense of abundance rather than lack. Within this abundant environment, the children will be allowed to cocoon in a safe nurturing environment. This in turn will allow them to grow into healed individuals who can one day spread their beautiful wings forth in their life to help pollinate and nourish the creation of a more peaceful world.

Imagine. This is all possible with a simple act of letting go. What pain can you let go of today to be replaced by peace?

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in a consultation to discuss the options available to resolve your divorce, custody issues, support, or equitable distribution issues, please contact me and I can help you investigate your options. Call me, Lenore M.J. Myers, at 215-470-3121 or email me at lmjmyers@cs.com.

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How to Find Peace in the Divorce Process

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on . Posted in Blog, Peace Maker.

Would you consider…?

I remember a few years ago I went to a seminar where there was a speaker, Henry Yampolsky, Esq., who is the cofounder of the Living Peace Institute. His lecture was about how to bring peace into a situation. During the lecture he said three words that changed how I approach many conflicted situations. The words are “Would you consider…?” These three simple words are more powerful than you can imagine. They immediately shift conversations away from… “I have something that you want and you can’t have it”…. “I am right and you are wrong”….. “I have power and you don’t.”

These words are like a cool glass of water in a desert. I know this to be true because I experimented with it the next week. I was involved in a very nasty, contentious estate matter with a very aggressive attorney on the other side. Our correspondences up until this part had been very accusatory and defensive over a period of almost two years. This time I started out with saying that I know both of your clients have been in a lot of pain and I would like to see them no longer suffer, “so would you consider …..?” and I laid out my resolution. I was blown away when this attorney who had always responded to me in a very argumentative way during the whole time we had been trying to resolve the case, responded in a very conciliatory way that he agreed the parties had been through enough and agreed to accept my proposal to settle the case. He did a 180 degree turnabout after I had just approached him with these three little words… “would you consider?”

Now imagine this in the context of family where the couple is separating or divorcing.
–Where parties are often drawing hard lines in the sand or offering up ultimatums.
–Where each person feels like they are unempowered.
–Where each party feels like the other is trying to take something from them rather than offering to share the decisions.

Imagine using a simple phrase that says … “I respect you…. You have a say in this decision… I want to share.” Can you imagine what a healing balm this could be to the wounds that each person feels have been inflicted upon them and from which they are suffering?

If each person can look at the situation as if there is a pitcher of water that they have filled from which each offers the other to have their glasses filled, can you imagine how this could shift the discussions between them as they transition apart?

So would you consider … reaching out a hand in peace?

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in a consultation to discuss the options available to resolve your divorce, custody issues, support, or equitable distribution issues, please contact me and I can help you investigate your options. Call me, Lenore M.J. Myers, at 215-470-3121 or email me at lmjmyers@cs.com.

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Wheels and Cogs | Divorce Mediation Costs | Divorce Done Differently in PA

Divorce Mediation Costs

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on . Posted in Blog.

Divorce mediation costs vary greatly. They can depend on whether you have a court ordered mediator or privately hired mediator. A divorce mediator who is privately hired can charge on an hourly or flat fee basis.

Court Ordered Mediation

In a court ordered mediation, fees are generally set by the court. The time allotted for the court ordered mediation is generally limited. A court ordered family law mediation session is often mandated by the court in a custody case.

Private Divorce Mediation Costs

Many private divorce mediation fees are set on a flat fee basis where one fee is set for a complete package of services and mediation sessions. The range of services that can be included in a flat fee divorce mediation service can cover a number of areas from property distribution, support matters and/or custody, to possible assistance in the preparation of a marital settlement agreement or memorandum of understanding and/or divorce court paperwork.

A flat fee mediation service package generally assists parties in gathering documentation on the areas to be mediated and includes several mediation sessions to discuss and reach an agreement on those issues.

Flat fee mediation can also include the preparation of either a memorandum of understanding or a marital settlement agreement. A memorandum of understanding is simply a non-binding document that outlines the terms and conditions of agreement reached by the parties. The mediator does not have to be an attorney to prepare this document. A marital settlement agreement includes all of the terms and conditions of agreement reached by the parties but it is a legally binding contract that must be prepared by a mediator who is an attorney.

In both situations the parties are encouraged to consult with a separate attorney to advise each party concerning the legal terms and condition of either a memorandum of understanding or marital settlement agreement. The fee for a separate attorney is not included in flat fee mediation packages.

In addition, flat fee divorce mediation can also include assistance in the preparation of divorce documents for the court in order to obtain a final decree of divorce. Filing fees for court, appraisal fees for real estate or retirement funds and the cost for preparation of other court document such as deeds of transfer or Qualified Domestic Relations orders (QDRO) are also generally not included in the costs charged for flat fee mediation packages.

A flat fee divorce mediation package can range in cost from $6,500 to $10,000 depending on the number of issues to be discussed and settled and the complexity of the marital estate to be settled.

Some divorce mediators will offer piecemeal or unbundled services such as one mediation session to discuss one issue like support or custody or as follow up to a previously conducted large scope flat fee mediation where a new issue has arisen. The general hourly rate for such divorce mediation services ranges from $250 to $400 per hour.

Divorce mediation is generally much less expensive than divorce litigation or even the cost of two people each hiring a divorce attorney to help settle their divorce.

A private divorce mediator will often offer consultations either free of charge or for a reasonable consultation fee to discuss your case to help you decide what type of divorce mediation services best suit your situation and the divorce mediation cost for that service.

Contact Divorce Done Differently for King of Prussia Divorce Mediation

Divorce mediation costs are typically lower than the cost of litigation and mediation has many advantages, including allowing parties more control over their divorce resolution. As an attorney mediator, I offer creative solutions to meet each client’s unique legal, financial, and emotional needs. To set up a consultation or learn more about available services, contact me today at 215-470-3121.

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in a consultation to discuss the options available to resolve your divorce, custody issues, support, or equitable distribution issues, please contact me and I can help you investigate your options. Call me, Lenore M.J. Myers, at 215-470-3121 or email me at lmjmyers@cs.com.

Let’s Talk

Child running through field with hula hoop | Airing of differences and raising healthy children | Divorce Done Differently in PA

Co-Parenting Amid COVID

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on . Posted in Blog.

Co- parenting amid COVID has been challenging in so many ways.

In the beginning, some parents took the quarantine restrictions so literally that one parent was often denied any custody by the other parent. Some parents even went so far as to keep children from the other parent simply because the other parent worked in health care and was at greater risk of being exposed to COVID. This breakdown in co-parenting amid COVID led many parents to miss out on precious time with their children until the overburdened court system could step in to set things straight.

Parents also became distrustful of and hypervigilant in how the other parent was following COVID restrictions and guidelines. This led to many disagreements and court filings. As people began to receive more information about COVID and restrictions began to be lifted, parents seemed to ease their fearful grip on their children spending time with the other parent.

Education and Co-Parenting Amid COVID

However, other issues in co-parenting amid COVID started to rise to the surface especially where remote learning became the norm. Not all parents were available to ensure that their child was logging in to attend school. School computers and other school materials had to be exchanged between parents who were not the most cooperative or communicative.

The strain of COVID restrictions also has taken its toll on the children themselves. During COVID, parents have been faced with co-parenting as their children suffered from issues such as depression, anxiety etc. or with learning issues without the benefit of hands-on school supports.

Counseling services that usually have helped to support parents resolve co-parenting issues have been limited or remote during COVID.

Family Time and Co-Parenting Amid COVID

However, it has not been all bad. In some respects co-parenting during COVID has brought out some parents’ better angels. Some parents have been able to focus and work through some communication and co-parenting issues because they had no other choice. For those parents who did work on their co-parenting skills the examples they set for their children added to supporting their children emotionally and in other ways during this crisis. The children got to spend more one-on-one time with both parents during the quarantine and other restrictions.  

Parents who had to work from home were given a chance to be more of the primary caretaker than they may have had an opportunity to be in the past. With a moratorium on extracurricular activities, families were forced to spend time together doing activities to fill their free time rather than engaging in organized activities with a lot of other people. The reduction in activities for the children in some respect reduced the stress on the parents to coordinate schedules etc. Families got a chance to slow down and enjoy each other’s company.

Lastly, co-parenting during COVID has allowed parents and everybody else to take a deep breath and be thankful for their loved ones around them and the time they have had with them.

Contact Divorce Done Differently for King of Prussia Custody Issue Resolution

Co-parenting amid COVID has made some custody issues more complicated, but caring parents can make critical decisions together in a way that offers the best situation for their children. As an attorney mediator I offer creative solutions to meet each client’s unique legal, financial, and emotional needs. To set up a consultation or learn more about available services, contact me today at 215-470-3121.

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in a consultation to discuss the options available to resolve your divorce, custody issues, support, or equitable distribution issues, please contact me and I can help you investigate your options. Call me, Lenore M.J. Myers, at 215-470-3121 or email me at lmjmyers@cs.com.

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Ferris Wheel at Dusk | Questions to ask divorce lawyers | Divorce Done Differently in PA

Top 5 Questions to Ask Divorce Lawyers

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on . Posted in Blog.

Divorce is a very stressful process. That is why it is important to carefully pick the best ally to support you during this difficult life transition. Here are some points to consider when choosing the right divorce lawyer.

1. Do you Specialize in Divorce?

Is the divorce attorney someone who is experienced and who specializes in family law cases?

An attorney that focuses on one area of the law is often most up to date with any changes in the law or procedures in the court. Also, an attorney that practices mostly in family law court knows the other players – lawyers, judges, clerks. This can help to resolve your case in some ways because of the benefit of pre-established relationships that can move your case toward a fair resolution.

You also want to know how many years the divorce attorney has been practicing family law. Just because an attorney has been a lawyer for a long time does not mean they have been practicing family law the whole time. Again, experience matters. You want an attorney that is not learning on the job.

2. Will You Handle My Divorce Case Directly?

Who will be handling my case?

While a big law firm may be impressive, a lot of tasks are delegated. A lot of work on your case may be handled by a paralegal or a younger less experienced staff attorney. While this may save you in costs, sometimes things get lost in translation between attorneys and their staff. Also, if you want an experienced attorney to handle your case then you don’t want your case assigned to an underling.

3. How Much Will A Divorce Cost?

What will the cost be?

Most attorneys may let you know their hourly rate upfront. However, most attorneys will need to meet with a potential client for a consultation, often for a fee, to discuss their case before they can quote a retainer fee or what fees they will charge to take on their case.

Most attorneys ask for a lump sum payment up front as a retainer to insure their representation of you. Not only will you need to know what the upfront retainer will be but you want to know what charges will be billed against that retainer and at what rate. An attorney is required to give you a written fee agreement with all the terms and conditions of hourly rates and billing and retainers included that both of you will sign before the divorce attorney begins to represent you.

4. How Will We Communicate?

What type and level of communication can you expect from your attorney?

Some attorneys only give you their office number and that of their assistant. They may promise to get back directly within 24 hours or asap through their assistant. Some attorneys give out their cellphone numbers and allow their clients to text them even on nights and weekends. Usually, the access a client may have to their attorney depends on how busy their attorney is. A busy attorney does not always mean they are a good attorney or the right divorce attorney for you.

5. What Can You Tell Me About You?

Divorce is a very personal process. You want to choose someone whose personality suits you and your needs.

So consider all of your needs when choosing your attorney. Not only look at their experience and their fees.

Consider what approach you want your attorney to take in your divorce case. Do you want someone who can help you settle things peacefully or litigate in court?

Some people want a shark who will go after the other person and their attorney. They may want someone to hurt their spouse who has wronged them. While most spouses only have fleeting thoughts like this when choosing an attorney, some do choose an attorney based upon this concept. If you do choose such an attorney with this kind of reputation, you need to realize that such kind of litigation is VERY expensive. Also, this kind of scorched earth mentality takes everything down in its wake. So, in addition to depleting the marital estate, if you have children this tactic can be very emotionally damaging for them. Also, realize that most family lawyers no matter how aggressive they can be in court will try to keep their clients with one foot in reality since the courts don’t generally punish the other spouse as a result of misconduct in the marriage.

In actuality, most people going through a divorce have the goal of reaching a fair settlement that will suit their family from their perspective and that is the goal of most family lawyers for their client as well.

Also consider what you need emotionally, psychologically, and mentally from your divorce attorney as well.

How much individual time do you want from an attorney? Do you want someone who has a lot of assistants to help with your case or do you want someone who is chief, cook, and bottle washer?

Do you need a hand holder? Many attorneys want to just stick to the facts. Do you want an attorney who will spend a lot of with you on the phone supporting you emotionally as well as legally?

What kind of communication style suits you? Do you want someone who is the very bottom line? Do you want an attorney who gives you a broad overview? Do you need an attorney who gives you lots of details or breaks things down for you?

How much control and input do you want in your case? Do you want an attorney who will explain everything to you or one you can just hand over your keys to and let them drive the bus?

Knowing what you need and what to expect will help you have a more positive experience during your divorce process. Choose wisely.

Are We A Match For Your Divorce Needs?

Divorce Done Differently is a committed to helping people find a peaceful way to resolve the conflict by exploring creative solutions to meet your needs and looking at the legal, financial, and emotional things that impact you and your family.

Together we can chart a course that will lead you toward a brighter future apart from conflict. Call me.

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in a consultation to discuss the options available to resolve your divorce, custody issues, support, or equitable distribution issues, please contact me and I can help you investigate your options. Call me, Lenore M.J. Myers, at 215-470-3121 or email me at lmjmyers@cs.com.

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Tree against a blue sky with clouds |Divorce Mediation Checklist | Divorce Done Differently in PA

Divorce Mediation Checklist

Written by Divorce Done Differently in PA on . Posted in Blog.

10 Steps for Divorce Mediation

A divorce mediation checklist or having a 10 step plan is helpful for anyone going through the process of mediating a divorce. Even in the best circumstances, an emotional component plays a part in the mediation process. Plus, with all the many moving pieces to keep up, anyone can lose track. Please use the following 10 step guide to make sure you have considered everything and are not surprised.

1. Finding the right divorce mediator requires you to do your research

First, give yourself the information and time to choose the right divorce mediator for you.

It is essential to do your research to find the right mediator for you. Divorce mediation is a very personal experience, so you have to find a divorce mediator whose personality fits you and your spouse. Not all divorce mediators or mediation processes are the same. Divorce mediators use different methodologies and offer various services. Some divorce mediators are also attorneys. Make sure you have all the information to pick the right mediator for you and your spouse.

The internet is a great place to start. Read blogs to learn more about the divorce mediation process and what to look for and to expect. Go to different divorce mediator websites to know about that divorce mediator.

2. Meet with a Divorce Mediator

You and your spouse should interview your divorce mediator before you hire them. A meeting will ensure that the divorce mediator is a good fit for the two of you and your needs.

A skilled divorce mediator should be able to tell you about their mediation process. The divorce mediator should be able to tell you the timeline for their mediation process. They should tell you about their fee structure and what it covers. The mediator should tell you about how they succeed with couples in mediation.

3. Hiring a Divorce Mediator

You and your spouse should agree on which divorce mediation process works best for the two of you and which divorce mediator seems to best suit your needs. You and your spouse should also agree on how the payment of the mediator will be handled.

The mediator should have you sign a contract that includes payment information and the number of sessions etc., that the fee covers. Make sure you have covered all the elements of your divorce mediation checklist in the contract agreement.

4. Mediation Mindset

Mediation is a process whereby two people meet with a neutral mediator who helps facilitate discussion to help the parties reach a fair, agreeable, expedited resolution to their issue.

You and your spouse need to go into divorce mediation planning on compromising and succeeding. A “my way or the highway” attitude will not lead to a successful mediation.

A mediator is obligated to be a neutral facilitator. Therefore a good mediator will interject in a mediation process to keep things balanced during the process. The divorce mediator will use different techniques to thwart any power grabs on the part of either spouse.

You and your spouse should both remember throughout the mediation that you both chose this process to reach a fair, peaceful resolution of your differences for the best interest of your family.

5. Information Gathering with a Divorce Mediation Checklist

A skilled divorce mediator will assist you and your spouse in gathering the necessary financial information needed to make informed, intelligent decisions about the division of your assets and debts and the determination of child and spousal support/alimony.

Most divorce mediators will give you a list of financial documents that you need to gather to share with the mediator and your spouse. This list often includes information about assets such as bank statements, investment statements, retirement statements, insurance information, pay stubs, tax returns, and real estate valuations, automobiles, and other valuables. The list also includes information about debts such as mortgage statements, home equity loans, student loans, car loans, credit card statements, etc. At this stage, a divorce mediation checklist is a useful document for managing the collection of information.

If there is unique information needed to decide custody matters, such a school ranking or medical information, or input from a child’s therapist, then the mediator will also instruct you to gather that information as well.

Many divorce mediators will have you and your spouse create a secure online account to share this information, such as on DropBox.

6. Custody Mediation Sessions

A divorce mediator will start a custody mediation making sure that the parents are focused on the child.

A custody mediation session usually lasts 2- 4 hours.

The mediator will instruct the parents that it is healthiest for a child to feel loved and supported by both parents.

The mediator will ask the parents to focus on creating a schedule that best suits the child’s needs as well as giving each parent enough time with the child. Parents need to remember that it is the child that is going back and forth between two households because the parents decided to separate not the child. Parents need to make this transition as smooth as possible for the child.

The divorce mediator will help the parents create a parenting schedule that outlines parent sharing time during the week and weekends and holidays and vacations. The parenting agreement will also address other things like medical, religious, and educational decisions for the child and daily stuff like phone calls. Other considerations include how to introduce a child to a parent’s new significant other. Or what happens when the parent travels or goes somewhere overnight during their scheduled parenting time. Again, having thought thru the process with a divorce mediation checklist prior to making final decisions will help you obtain the best results.

Developing good communication skills is key to a reasonable parenting agreement, so the parenting agreement may include different communication tools to be used by the parents.

The goal of a mediated parenting agreement is to support each parent’s role in the co-parenting process to meet the needs of their child best.

7. Financial Mediation Sessions

Often divorce mediators conduct at least two financial mediation sessions.

A financial mediation session usually lasts anywhere from 2- 4 hours.

Usually, the divorce mediator prepares a workbook that will be presented at the first mediation. It can include an outline of the parties’ assets and debts, support calculations, copies of the divorce laws in the parties’ state and/or any other information that may help the parties have to assist them in the mediation process.

The first session usually focuses on outlining the assets and debts of the marital estate and discussing support issues. There is usually no expectation of reaching any clear cut agreements at the first mediation sessions.

Most people’s heads are swimming after the first financial mediation session. Knowing this, the divorce mediator does not schedule the next mediation session for at least another 10 to 14 days after the first financial mediation session.

This allows the dust to settle and allows the parties to clear their heads or gather additional information needed to make an informed decision.

Spouses may also decide to meet with a certified divorce financial analyst in between sessions to better understand how the division of the marital assets will look long term. A certified divorce financial analyst helps parties consider different scenarios concerning the division of their marital assets and debts, focusing on both short and long-term economic values of their assets and debts and how it can affect the parties later in life. They use specialized software programs to help them analyze assets like property, expenses, retirement accounts, pensions, inflation, life insurance, and child support in order to assist parties in making the decision concerning the division of their marital estate.

8. Decide on the Terms of Final Settlement

The best scenario for a financial settlement is not always an equal division of assets and debts, especially where there are children involved and a disparity in income between the spouses. The ultimate goal of the financial mediation is to create an agreed-upon plan of the marital estate division that will best suit everyone’s needs post- divorce. That does not always mean the same thing as what a court would decide.

The best scenario for a parenting agreement is not always a child spending equal time with each parent. Parents need to focus on what best suits the child’s needs while they transition between two households.

The mediation process allows spouses to create whatever scenario best suits their family as they transition from one household to two. The terms are developed jointly by the parties’ agreement and are not dictated by any judge, lawyer or law.

9. The Marital Settlement

If your divorce mediator is an attorney, they may serve as a neutral attorney who can draft the marital settlement agreement document. If the divorce mediator is not an attorney, they will prepare a memorandum of understanding instead. Both documents will contain all terms and conditions of the marital settlement mutually agreed upon by the spouses.

The marital settlement agreement is a legally binding contract with legal language that both spouses will ultimately sign. The memorandum of understanding is not legally binding. It is simply an outline of the terms and conditions of the marital settlement that have been agreed upon by the parties.

Regardless, after either the marital settlement agreement or memorandum of understanding is created, the parties should meet with the divorce mediator to review the document. They should ensure the documents contain everything the parties agreed upon in the division of the marital estate and/or parenting terms. It is also a good time to review your divorce mediation checklist to make sure you have addressed all concerns. 

10. Review/Preparation of a Marital Settlement Agreement

If your divorce mediator is not an attorney, one spouse will need to hire an attorney to draft the marital settlement agreement document that will include all the terms and conditions of the division of the marital estate that are outlined in the marital settlement agreement. The other spouse should also hire an attorney to review the agreement prepared by the other spouse’s attorney.

If the marital settlement agreement is prepared by the mediator, both spouses are encouraged to hire a mediator friendly attorney for each of them to review the document in order to ensure they understand the agreement and that it clearly reflects what they believe they have agreed upon.

The key with any attorney hired in this situation is to ensure that the attorney understands they are not being hired to undo the agreement but to make sure that the spouse understands the agreement and that agreement says what the spouse thinks it should say.

Want to Know More?

If you are interested in a consultation to discuss the options available to resolve your divorce, custody issues, support, or equitable distribution issues, please contact me and I can help you investigate your options. Call me, Lenore M.J. Myers, at 215-470-3121 or email me at lmjmyers@cs.com.

Let’s Talk